My boyfriend (M19) and I (F19) have been dating for over a year now. There has been multiple occasions where I wake up and my breast are out and he is playing with them. It gives me an extreme amount of anxiety when I wake up to this due to being molested in high school and assaulted later on through the years. There’s even been one occasion where I’ve gone through his phone and I saw a video where I’m passed out (asleep) and he has my breast out and he’s playing with them.
Last night I smoked Delta 10 and started having a lot of anxiety and felt sick to my stomach, he kept trying to have sex with me- trying to kiss my neck, play with my breast and I told him no about 3 or 4 times- that I wasn’t in the mood to have sex that I just want to cuddle and feel loved. It seemed to not matter to him that I was have anxiety and that I had said no multiple times at this point and continued to still try and then get upset with me for saying no. I fall asleep and again wake up to my breast out and him playing and sucking on them. Before I awoke I was having a dream of being molested and that’s what woke me up to him fondling my breast. Before I go back to sleep I got after him telling him that I’ve repeatedly told him that it messes with my head and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to wake up like that and he is annoyed. I go back to sleep and start having more dreams of being molested and wake up again this morning to go to work filled with anxiety.
I feel like it doesn’t matter to him when I say that it makes me uncomfortable, he knows about my past and never thinks about that.
I try to set boundaries and I feel like he disregards them every single time I establish them.
Sometimes I believe he views me as a sexual object rather than a person due to his porn addiction, he never asks for consent and completely disregards when I don’t feel up to trying new things because it gives me anxiety. For example one time he stuck his finger in my anus with out asking me before hand, sometimes when something suddenly just happens it makes me feel scared/anxious and I stopped and started crying because of it and he was annoyed because I acted as if he was “ R wording me”
33 comments
yes this is sexual assault. report him to the police
Break up with him rn. You’ve told him multiple times to stop he didn’t listen, he knows about your past sexual trauma, how this makes you uncomfortable but he’s committing sexual assault time after time. Go to therapy and you should file a police report against him.
You did not consent and have repeatedly told him no. That is Assault.
[Rainn](https://www.rainn.org/) I highly recommend you reach out to these people.
Yes, this is sexual assault. He has no respect for you, your body and your feelings. I think it’s very important you understand the severity of this. This isn’t love and they won’t suddenly start respecting you.
99% of the time if you have to ask if your being sexually assaulted the answer is yes you are being sexually assaulted
Yes, this is sexual assault. Do yourself a favor and call it quits ASAP
I did not have to get past the first 4 sentences to know this is SA.
This is not the way someone you love treats you. Please leave and contact authorities ASAP. Keeping you in my thoughts 🤍
You have written this story as if you know the answer to the question already.
Yes, it is sexual assault. Get out while you can.
Yes you are been sexually assaulted, he is ignoring your boundaries and when you say NO. You have not consented then it’s assault and when he stuck his finger in your anus without your consent it is r. . Get out of that relationship and of you have him on video admitting any of his crimes against you need to bring them to the police and press charges of assault against him
Yes, that is absolutely sexual assault. You need to get away from this man, NOW.
Yes. I’m sorry.
At first i thought that he was just overly touchy and horny.
But the more you read into this the more fucked up it gets.
The moment you complain about feeling uncomfortable with a sexual behavior and it doesn’t stop, it is a sexual assaut of some degree.
Since he doesn’t understand what boudaries, traumas, and no means i’ll advise you to either :
– put an ultimatum on him, if you want your relationship to stay alive (no clue why you would but god might lol), meaning he has a last chance to redeem himself.
– just end it and find someone respectful of you, your boundaries and your past experiences. I mean, any decent human being would listen to his partner telling him “the way you behave makes me re-live my traumas”. I’d feel so ashamed i might break it off my self if in his shoes.
Bonus : find a way to get proofs and press charges for sexual assault.
Good Luck to you.
>I stopped and started crying because of it and he was annoyed because I acted as if he was “ R wording me”
he was and he knew it. penetration without consent is rape, period.
Yes. YES. Run from this guy. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If someone doesn’t stop when you say no – ONCE, not multiple times – they do not respect and they are not treating you with love. That is sexual assault. If you wake up and he’s doing stuff to you, that’s sexual assault. This is very unambiguous.
Him guilting you about getting upset and “acting like he’s raping you” is manipulative. The word “gaslighting” is overused on here and often misused but this is the definition of gaslighting.
You don’t deserve any of this, and I’m so sorry but people like this don’t change. You can’t convince someone who is sexually violent to you and consistently violates your boundaries to start respecting them.
This guy has shown you who he is, OP. Please get out of this situation as quickly as you can, and don’t give him a chance to talk you out of it or convince you he’ll change. If he was going to change his behaviour, he would have. Again, I’m so sorry. You have your whole life ahead of you, you will meet wonderful people and have good, safe relationships. Dump this shitbag and don’t look back. When you look back you will love your younger self for it.
If you don’t want it and he knows you don’t then it is sexual assault.
My ex would wake me nearly every night at some point sucking my bits or even sat on it, she would always go to sleep at night holding it …. I say this because it never bothered me at all. None of it. Had it bothered me I would have left her.
yes. that’s textbook assault. you gotta drop him
Yes, you are being sexually assaulted. Your boyfriend absolutely views you as a sexual object rather than a person, and it’s not due to his porn addiction; it’s because he’s a bad person. You should break up with him and date someone who can give you at least the bare minimum of human decency by respecting your boundaries.
Sounds like assault to me. He’s definitely ignoring your boundaries.
Would definitely be considered the “R word”.
You said NO multiple times, it should only take ONE TIME for someone to understand and stop, but he proceeded to try and did stuff while you were sleeping!?
Knowing your past and what you’ve been through, the fact that he doesn’t respect your feelings and the boundaries you set are a huge NO GO.
I’m sorry that you had to go through that.
As I’m sure everyone else here has already asked AND encourage you to do… Why are you with this jack ass? and leave!!!!
Even if you didn’t already talk to him about this or express you don’t like it… The fact that he recorded you!!! WITHOUT CONCENT IS FUCKED UP AND LADY THIS IS MY TROLL ACCOUNT POSTING THIS.
No excuses you gotta leave this asshole!! . Fool me once shame on me.. fool me twice… Well sugar you only got but two titties… 🙀
I feel like if you have to ask this question, you’re not in a good place
He’s raping you leave him please
Why are you still with this rapist who sees you as nothing more than a sex doll for his pleasure?
You aren’t just being sexually assaulted, you are in an abusive relationship and he’s taking advantage of your history.
I think you know the answer to your question, hon.
Your feelings matter. Your boundaries matter. Your comfort matters.
In a truly happy, loving relationship, both individuals should feel at ease and look forward to spending time with each other.
It seems like he’s not doing that for you.
Just because he doesn’t think he’s violating you, doesn’t mean he’s not. He absolutely is.
I don’t personally think he’s worth staying for to wait and hope that he’ll change. I don’t think he’s likely to change.
I wish you the best, sorry to say that might mean without him.
Coercion is still rape
This loser doesn’t give a damn about simple bounderies. He will take things further bit by bit because he’s getting away with it. Leave this POS and don’t look back. Let hem ‘enjoy’ his porn addiction all by himself.
He not only views you as a sexual object, he views you as his *property*. He also thinks that the moment you agreed to be in a relationship with him you gave consent to anything he might want to do to or with you sexually, and you are not allowed to refuse him. SO WRONG. Consent is an every-time, every-act thing!
Yes yes yes!!!! I couldn’t even read this whole thing. That is blatant SA. You cannot consent if you’re asleep. Please get out of that relationship. Find a friend, preferably a big male who can physically protect you or at least intimidate the guy, and bring him with you to break it off and get your stuff if you live together. Do you have a brother, dad, cousin, or coworker you trust?
This guy does not respect you, your body, or your boundaries. If you can and feel safe enough doing it, I would also recommend trying to record your conversation with him and get him to admit to touching you in your sleep (and also know what your state laws are regarding recordings*) just because the police aren’t going to do jack about this kind of stuff with just your word. You need evidence. Get a protection or restraining order.
I wish you the best. Please be safe. Eff him!!
*Each state has different laws about recording other people. For instance, I live in Texas, which is a one-party consent state. If I go into a conversation with a hidden recorder and I consent to being filmed, then that evidence holds up in court.
You need to call it on this guy. He clearly has no respect for you. My wife tells me no all the time, and has told me she doesn’t like being touched while she sleeps and I respect that even I really want to be with her more than anything. It sucks being told no, but if I don’t listen, then I’m not respecting her.
Other people really like to be woken up to sexual acts, and some have safe words instead of “no” due to AGREEMENTS that they will engage in consensual non consent. Those have to be conversations first where you both agree on the rules.
Your boyfriend is not having fun with you, and he is not misreading the signs, he is violating you and disregarding your direct non consent.
This guy deserves a punch in the dick
This is sexual assault.
But if possible, find that video that he took illegally of your naked body and send it to yourself.
You just need to be prepared that he shared it online or to his friends.
There’s steps to take, like illegally recording and sexually assaulting someone while they’re asleep is a crime. So you can report it. Revenge porn is a crime. Report it.
But because the internet is forever you might have to copyright it in order to further protect yourself.
But this man is not your friend or someone trustworthy. When you can you have to get away.