Throw-away acc.
TL:DR my partner of 8 months is repeating depressive behaviour that happened a few months back which ended up in a violent temporary break up, and I don’t want to walk out on him or let go of him because I don’t think it’s a good reason to get out of the relationship.
My partner and I met in February, 2022. Before dating, we were friends and would occasionally hang out until he confessed one night and we were exclusive ever since.
We both have our fair share of mental illnesses and this was smth we both knew about each other (maybe not the full extent of it) and we accepted each other for it.
He’s a heavy drinker but had stopped periodically because he knew that I was concerned on his habits, and he took them into consideration. For a long while, we were happy in each other’s company. I was growing as a person to give him space to socialize.
But around the 5 month mark, stuff started to go badly… he fell into a deep spell of depression (he has other mental illnesses that affect him as well, won’t disclose due to privacy) and it affected our relationship very badly as it ended with a violent (verbal) break up (that lasted for a day.)
After that happened, we went back to doing everything we use to and I forgave him for what happened that night by giving him one more chance, however my trust that he’s be sticking with me no doubt was slowly declining.
He has frequent ups and down and ot gets very difficult to handle sometimes, however I stick around regardless because I’m certain that it’s just the depression that causes the 1-2 day distance.
It’s now October, and smth similar is happening again. He told me that he has a therapy session coming up in early November and I want to be there to hear the results, but it’s been four days of basically silence (we hardly text… and he only talks in the late night hours cuz lately he’s sleeping excessively during the day.) And there it was again, the text that went along the lines of “I think I shld leave.”
I woke up and asked to call him so we can chat it out and he agreed to stay because he seemed very reluctant to actually leave in fear of wasting my time and that I deserve someone better. Throughout the relationship I’ve been hurt alot due to my fragile self esteem (I’ve been working on it and have been getting better) as well as that words impact me greatly (love language: Words of Affirmation).
I did my best to stay calm and collected during the call up to now (it’s been a few hours, he’s asleep) and so far, I still have him with me. But I’m worried that he’ll change his mind and walk out because his mind takes a hold of him. I want to hold onto the hope that we can keep going, but I’m anxious due to what happened in the 5th month… I don’t want ot to repeat. I always tell him that he can depend on me… but he doesn’t.
I don’t want to let go either because I know that things will get better, and I refuse to walk out on him just because stuff’s difficult again, but alot of my friends advise I should because it’s not healthy for my mental health and emotional health.
So reddit… what say you?
I really need advice, any is welcome.
1 comment
It sounds like you both are not in a healthy enough place to be in a relationship with each other or anyone else. Do yourself a HUGE favor and end this relationship and focus on yourself. Work on your own issues, find your self esteem and your self worth because you deserve that. He needs to deal with his stuff on his own.