So I (F20) am a full time trade school student so not only am I constantly mentally tired, but also physically. Recently my grandfather passed (who I loved more than anything and helped pay for my schooling) and I’ve been even more mentally exhausted with this. I started falling behind in school rather than taking out my emotional exhaustion on my boyfriend (23M), but I can admit I’ve felt a bit needy asking for additional support during this time. We’ve been dating for over 8 months and I love him so dearly and in the first 8 months there has been no reason to think we would ever break up. We’ve had every conversation that could end a couple and have goals that align beautifully. However, in my time of crisis he seems to be so fed up with my extra neediness. He’s snapped at me on multiple occasions and granted he has apologized for most of them on his own accord, but tonight while we went to sleep, I couldn’t help but start crying. I cried convincing myself that he didn’t want to be wit me any longer with how needy I had been and I almost mourned our relationship in a way. A couple things that he said before we went to sleep convinced me of this. I felt that if he saw me crying that would only bother him more and solidify my “neediness” in his eyes so I slouched down beside the bed and sobbed quietly to myself. After quite some time, he rolled over noticed I wasn’t next to him, looked around and saw me wrapped in a blanket at the foot of the bed surrounded by used tissues. Him noticing me was the very situation I was scared of so I cried just the tiniest bit longer and took some deep breaths so that I was ready to face him. When I looked back at him less than 30 seconds after he found me sobbing, he was sound asleep. I understand he very well could just be tired, but I can’t help but feel as if he made a conscious decision to ignore my crying. I feel as though his lack of compassion for me during this time is indicative of how things could be down the road? What would you do in this situation? Wake him up to talk? Wait til morning? Not say anything at all? Thanks anyone in advance.
TL;DR My boyfriend of 8 months woke up to me bawling my eyes out and chose to go right back to sleep, is that F’ed up?
4 comments
I might talk to him about it the next day. I wouldn’t assume anything. When I was at sleepover camp we were supposed to wake another camper if we needed to go to the bathroom at night. The other kids kept getting angry with me because they said I refused to go with them to the bathroom. I kept telling them, I have zero memory of you asking me, I was clearly not conscious enough to make a real choice, please wake me up more thoroughly, I would be happy to help out, but they never did. So, I kept getting in trouble for something I had no conscious control or memory of. If he was only awake briefly, then it was probably within the window of sleep amnesia so he won’t even be aware that it happened when he wakes up.
>Not say anything at all?
I’d assume he was tired enough to go straight to sleep.
Id talk to him. Ask him if he heard me, if he did, he’s single.
For the record, it is in no way unreasonable to expect your romantic partner to be there for you emotionally after the death of a loved one.