So, my sister has bipolar and her moods were like a roller coaster if she didn’t take her meds. For years, if she ever needed any advice, she would confide in me and our mom. If my mom and I gave her any sort of advice or tips to cool her down, she would listen but doesn’t practice it. She hasn’t been taking her meds for days now because she doesn’t like the side effects of the meds. She’s like a ticking time bomb on a roller coaster. Our mom and I are at a point where we’re like walking on eggshells around her, any sort of advice we gave her, she doesn’t listen. Just recently, I opened up to my mom that I’ve been mentally exhausted from trying to help her out and my mom understands me because she felt almost the same way but I guess we’re too scared to open up first. I’ve reached a point where if ever my sister starts complaining about her day, or her stress, or her mental state, I slowly noticed that I was stressed out by her stress and mental health. So I told my mom that I think I need to emotionally and mentally distance myself from my sister and I’m not disowning her and acts as if she’s no longer my sister. I need distance, space, boundaries. We live in the same house fgs. I told my mom I need to preserve my own mental health and my mom agrees. Recently, my sister realized that I was distancing myself from her, like not checking up on her mental health which is not true because I check up on her with our mom. Instead of asking her, I’d ask our mom “How is she? What did the therapist say? Has she been taking her meds?” My sister asks me “Why did you have to ask mom? Why couldn’t you ask me?”. I said “Because I want to preserve my mental health, so if I sense anything that’s triggering coming from you, I will distance myself and stay in my room”. Why I said triggering, was because I’ve been depressed before, so if I sense anything that might trigger me back to being depressed, I would distance myself. I was being completely honest and open and all along our conversation, I never raise my voice at her, I never use any harsh or curse words at her. So she asks “So preserving your mental health is more important than checking up on your mentally ill sister? Showing empathy and kindness doesn’t matter to you?”. When she said that, I was stunned and couldn’t say anything because I was thinking, how could she think so low of me? When her mental health was at her worse and her room was all over the place, I was the one initiated my mom to help clean her room so she could sleep in a comfortable bed. When she was having a breakdown in her room, I was the one who gently knocked on her door ask her “What’s wrong?” and comfort her, hug her, hold her, listen to her. When a family member was mocking her, I was quick to defend her. If she’s hungry, I would cook for her whatever she wants. I was always her listener. After she said all that, she started to lash out at me, cursing at me, belittling me, mocking me, yelled at me while saying “YOU CAN’T SHOW EMPATHY AND KINDNESS TO YOUR MENTALLY ILL SISTER. YOU’RE SELFISH. EFF THAT ISH.” She got out of my room, slam my door and stomp to her room. Our mom was there to witness it all. I turned to my mom and ask her “Have I not shown empathy and kindness all this time?”. So I guess when she said “eff that ish”, that shows she doesn’t care about anyone’s mental health except hers.
TL;DR: This is the thing with my sister, when she’s having an outburst, she would say hurtful things that include curse words to my mom or me, but most of the time, my mom was the victim. I just wanted to preserve my peace, my boundaries and my mental health. I never said that I will not and do not care about my sister’s mental health. I’m open to read opinions, you could agree or disagree with me, I don’t mind.