I used to be an extremely extroverted and
communicative person, I never had trouble
making friends, I was the ball of sunshine in any room I stepped in, had a good wit and had many friends, etc.
I was always told that I have a talent to connect
with people, bridge friendships with others, make them laugh and make them
feel good. Maybe the “entertainer”-type / heart of
the party in a way.
Then a few years before the Corona outbreak I
moved to a different city where I did not
immediately meet many people that I “clicked”
with (at least in my perception), which made socializing
even more difficult. I finally found a girlfriend who ended up being a narcissist and we were together for a couple years(couple years too long) then the Corona lockdown stuff and now I
am just super insecure when I am out with people,
I don’t feel confident at all in social situations
anymore, I feel like I have lost my wit and almost
feel shy, which I NEVER did in my life. I used to
love being goofy and being expressive in everything I
did and never felt insecure about it. Now I just
don’t know what is adequate anymore which
makes me say nothing at all. Replies feel forced. I feel like a shell of
myself. Like i’m living day by day at 25%. I feel inauthentic and am afraid that it will stay like this now.
I really don’t want to sound arrogant, but maybe
the best way to put it is: I always got my
confidence out of people reflecting to me that I
am lovable and “doing good”, and now since I
moved places, didn’t click with others, had a difficult relationship AND Corona, I just feel insecure and
anxious all the time.
Any thoughts?
4 comments
Same
Nothing’s wrong w you. Those aspects of you arent gone, just new sides of you are presenting themselves. Look at them & examine why they’re popping up, fine tune whatever you want (maybe why you attract narcissists/stick w them for years.)
Try making friends w any pain thats lingering & love yourself enough to allow the bubbly person you are to be the one who comes through. It is a process tho! Be easy on yourself
Yeah! This is super valid. It’s good you know where you confidence came from. Maybe instead of relying on others to remind you you’re loveable and doing good — it’s time for you to learn how to do some of that yourself! No one can take care of that tender part of their heart themselves, but they can do at least a large portion of it. Think of this as an opportunity if you can!
I’m gonna comment on one aspect you mentioned that is sooo true.
It’s the fact that if you don’t immediately click well with a person, every interaction is going to be rather awkward, and it will almost make you want to stop looking for friends because you feel uncomfortable, out of place, and start questioning yourself.
Like, having small talks and trying to be interested in what the other says it’s hard. I’m not good at faking interest and emotions, and unfortunately few people here have things in common with me.
So, unless we talk about school, we have nothing in common, but talking only about it isn’t fun or something that could create a good friendship.
I moved to a whole new country, in which they speak another language, and after 3 years i can say i have 1 friend, who i made just 1 month ago lol. I had a few acquaintances, but they all were awkward imo, i didn’t feel comfortable, and they didn’t have things in common with me. I didn’t know how to make the following step even if i wanted to.
Perhaps that’s also because i grew up having 1 amazing friend with whom i always hung out and did everything together.
At the time i didn’t care about making new friends since i had my best friend always with me, but now i realize that i don’t know how to behave with someone who isn’t my best friend. Like, how do you get to know someone?
I always had 2 types of interactions, the first one is “i don’t know you well, i may ask you something or have a small talk, but i consider you an acquaintance”, and the second is “you’re my best friend, i want to do everything with you because it’s funnier and we are going to be siamese twins”. But the 2nd one comes across as desperate and clingy if the other person doesn’t feel in the same way, and most people already have a group of friends, so i can’t just glue to someone and hope for the best. I would have to fit into the group dynamic, which i suck at since i never did it.
Let’s hope for the best!