Like extreme anxiety attacks to the point where I have had to take her to the ER, this has been on going. She’s been prescribed medication, but won’t take it. She won’t see a therapist.
And its ONLY when I want to golf. Even when I have had friends from out of town come over to hangout before golf, she will have these anxiety attacks forcing me to stay behind and take care of her while my friends go on without me. Sometimes after they leave without me she will cheer up a bit and we will get it on lol. It’s been over a year since these friends last came over and they told me she was being manipulative and its really making me question my friendships.
Her refusal to take any of her prescriptions or see a therapist, is bothering me and I have no idea how to communicate to her that me not pursuing my hobbies can’t be a remedy to her mental health; everytime I broach the subject she tells me she simply thinks she will die if I golf, and if I push her any harder on that she will get really upset or goes into a fit of rage and we will fight about why I am questioning her anxiety and then the fights turn into why I am pissing her off so much and I feel awful afterwards for questioning her mental health. It feels like I’m running in circles.
She is very in tune with the current mental health/wellness trends and I fear she thinks her time spent on reddit can supplant professional help. I know the past few years has been very tough on her. Back in 2020 when covid started she quit her job at a very toxic workplace and has been a SAHW since. She has other anxiety that causes her to not be able to drive, or cook, or do much around the house really, I feel more like her primary caretaker than her husband at this point.
I can leave for work and she is fine. I just want to be able to pursue my hobbies. How do I better discuss this issue with her? I love her to death and I just want her to be ok again, nothing I do seems to make her happy.
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Reddit does not provide any sort of mental health help, she needs meds and therapy. And she is being manipulative if she is preventing you from doing the thing you love, especially with friends needing to leave you behind. As much as you have been supportive of her, you can’t it let her mental health ruin/control your life.
You need to get the truth out of her of why it’s golfing in particular, and why it would kill her?? If she isn’t going??? It does sound like she may be using that to manipulate you, even if she doesn’t realize what she is doing herself. This is not a healthy relationship to maintain. She needs to help herself.
Edit: spelling/grammar
Her anxiety is not only impacting her ability to function, but yours as well. She needs to follow her treatment plan including taking her medication. If she refuses to do so, what can you do for her?
I would tell her that you will no longer be held hostage by her anxiety. You will go golfing. She can decide to take her medication so she can handle her anxiety around this, or she can have a full fledged anxiety attack when you are out golfing. Her choice.
At the risk of sounding insensitive this does strike me as manipulative on her part; like she’s hiding behind her mental health as a way to get her way, especially since she won’t even talk with you about it and gets angry and defensive if you even try.
You deserve to have friends, hobbies, and interests outside this marriage, and you need to be firm with her about that. Don’t let her shut you down. Let her get angry and throw her tantrums and then just calmly explain again that things need to change. This is no kind of life for you.
>Her refusal to take any of her prescriptions or see a therapist, is bothering me and I have no idea how to communicate to her that me not pursuing my hobbies can’t be a remedy to her mental health; everytime I broach the subject she tells me she simply thinks she will die if I golf, and if I push her any harder on that she will get really upset or goes into a fit of rage and we will fight about why I am questioning her anxiety and then the fights turn into why I am pissing her off so much and I feel awful afterwards for questioning her mental health. It feels like I’m running in circles.
And you are questioning your friendships? lmfao, yeah ok.
You are being manipulated here, her attacks are to get out of doing something or to stop you doing something, and she’s not anxious about you going to work because if you don’t go then she will have to. She’s not seeking help because then she won’t get her way or be able you use it. Anxiety is not so specific and you are going to have to push her out of her safe rut or you will lose your own self
This is definitely psychosomatic. I don’t think she is faking the anxiety attacks, but she definitely uses them to get something she wants. I think you need to call her bluff, tell her you are going golfing and if she has a panic attack, she should call 9-1-1. You are making it too comfortable for her to avoid things she’d rather avoid. This not only goes for your pastime, but also for things like holding a job.
When she hurts bad enough, she’ll reconsider skipping therapy and medication. But as it is, you capitulate nearly every time so instead of her changing anything, she makes you do it.
It is very suspicious that she only has these attacks when you are going out with your friends to participate in your hobby. Does she have this issue when you two are going out together?
So you love your wife enough to sacrifice your normal hobbies and be there for her through her anxiety attacks but she doesn’t love or respect you enough to take her prescribed medication or go to therapy to try to make your life easier?
She’s not even attempting to meet you half way or try to solve the problem. At this point I would take her up on marriage counseling and explain what’s going on to the therapist. You could also just say, “Babe i love you but the more we give into your panic attacks, the more it reinforces your irrational feelings. You’re not willing to take medication or speak to a therapist and I’m not willing to keep feeding irrational fears. I’m going to go golf for x-amount of hours, and will be back at x-time. You can either take your medication, suffer through the attack, or call 911. Either way, I will not be returning until x-time.”