I(23F) and my boyfriend (24M) have had an extremely rough year and in january will be our 3 year anniversary and our lease will also be up. We have lived together for about 2 years now, but this past year has been a huge eye opener for me. I don’t agree with a lot of his opinions and understand we are not meant to be the same it’s okay to have different opinions, but his moral judgement is so bad. In the long run I do not see myself with him. It sucks. I love him, but at the same time I think we both need to grow, mature, and if it’s meant to be we will come back together when ready. I suggested to him already we should go our own ways in january and he laughed and just tells me i’m not going anywhere. We had a huge fight and split back in May where he basically tried to cheated on me, my family and his family both love him( they think he’s an angel)and guilt tripped me into staying with him. He exposed my last reddit to everyone and they clowned on me for posting on here back in may, so hi, i’m back on a different one, lol. I just seriously don’t know how to separate myself from him out of guilt, love, and anger tbh. I don’t know how to express to him i’m serious. I’ve been stuck in this mindset since May, and feel that all hope is gone and there’s nothing i want to salvage. I don’t know how to express that to him and everyone else in my life without them turning it back on me and making me sound crazy. I just need advice on how to express this or maybe couples therapy? Even at that though I don’t see a point. If you want a link to the old post, let me know. Thank you anyone who read this far.
6 comments
Find a new place and move out. That’s serious.
Literally just start looking for a new place right now. Break up with him when you have a new placed secured. It is LITERALLY that simple. Don’t get pressured by others to stay in a relationship that you don’t want.
For me, the thing that stands out most in your post is probably him saying ‘you’re not going anywhere.’
That sounds like him saying he’s in control here, he’s in control of you and he makes the decisions about what you can and cannot do.
Being guilt tripped into staying by the family, because they like him, could be playbook gaslighting behaviour. Families rarely see the bad side of an abusive partner’s behaviour – to them it will be all sweetness and light, with the bad side only coming out behind closed doors, where no one outside the relationship will witness it.
I’m not saying that this is what’s going on, but there are suggestions it could be, and you’re obviously unhappy in the relationship and are finding it difficult to break from it.
Family and friends opinions shouldn’t play any part in your decision. This is your life, your happiness and your future.
You have to decide what it is that you want, and go for it.
II seems you are being pressured to stay by both families, and your bf does not hear you.
Other than speaking, could you get a job in a differenti town, or get accepted to a school somewhere fare from where you live?
Alternatively, work long hours, get hobbies he doesn’t share, in the attempt to spend as little time together as you can. Lousy sex Life…
The same way you did it in your post.
Be nice, don’t blame him, don’t be insulting.
“You just don’t see yourself with him”…………. make him understand this. And no blames. You might assume some of the blame, to soften the situation.
He doesn’t need to agree with you about breaking up or not renewing your lease – breaking up is not a mutual decision. And people who encourage you to stay with someone you’re not happy with, aren’t people whose opinions you should hold in high esteem. Start looking for a new apartment, and make things official by informing your landlord that you’re not renewing.
Start detaching. If you have access to overtime, start working more hours and saving up for your next place. If not, the holidays are coming up and you might be able to score a seasonal job. Or perhaps work on your resume to get a better position. If he has any access to your banking/credit, remove it, so he can’t sabotage your exit. Good luck and work on your boundaries.