I’m a F (18) and my bf is M (18). We’ve been together for 10 months now and our anniversary is in 2 months.
Important context: I have had 2 past sexual partners (long term relationships). My boyfriend was a virgin before he met me, but has done/had oral activities only.
Basically yesterday, me and my boyfriend were hanging out at my house. When he arrived we were in the kitchen and then I brought up how I was invited to a party. I told him that it was going to be a girl brunch type of thing. He knows the girl that’s having the party, because she went to the same high-school we both went too. He never really likes when i’m invited to things anyways just due to him being jealous and a “safety” reason. Anyways the girl that is having the party has her small friend group of her own. My boyfriend randomly says “you know she’s going to have a bunch of her other friends there too so I don’t know.” I totally didn’t think any of it when he said this.
We eventually go upstairs and we’re watching our favorite show together. Somehow during the show we ended up pausing it and just started talking about our past friends we’ve had and things we used to do before we met each other. My boyfriend then talks about how he went to one of his guy friends house when he was in 8th grade (middle school). Apparently him and his guy friend both snuck a girl into the house. He then tells me the girl he snuck in the house is one of the GIRLS FRIEND that’s going to be at the party i’m supposed to be going too!!!! He said that him and her tried to have sex, But it just didn’t work and that was the only time him and her talked. He said that the situation was awkward and they pretended it never happened.
I’m shocked at this information because the catch is…. I’ve asked him many times this “have you almost ever had sex with someone before.” And he’s said no every time…. I get it he’s done things in the past. That’s okay. But why tell me this now that i’m going to go to the party and potentially see the girl? He told me that he completely forgot it happened because he never thought of it to tell me. And that he didn’t want me to hear the information from her if she decided to tell me for whatever reason.
He lied to me about being a virgin when we started dating. He said he had 1 sexual partner which was his ex. That was obviously a lie. He said that he lied because he didn’t want me to look at him differently and that he wanted to look like had experience. I forgave him because maybe it was embarrassing for him to admit to being a virgin. But now this lie of him never telling me he almost had sex? I don’t know how I feel when it comes to trust with him now. Am I being dramatic? It’s the principle right?
TL;DR – Boyfriend was a virgin before he met me and we’ve been dating for almost a year now. He decided to admit to me yesterday that he almost had sex with a girl years ago before he met me. Even though when I asked him “have you ever almost had sex” and him saying no. Am I being dramatic for not being able to trust him the same?
3 comments
Oral sex is sex. It’s not PIV of course but it’s still sex. I feel like there couldn’t have been a lot of intentional malice there for him to let you know he had oral sex before but to not let you know he almost had sex but didn’t. For whatever reason he decided to not tell you about him almost having sex but not actually doing it. Maybe he was more embarrassed of that then being a PIV virgin? Honestly if he doesn’t have a history of lying I’d ask him why he did it and then tell him to respect you and not do it again.
An awkward sexual encounter between what essentially was a couple of preteens fooling around matters little in the grand scheme. Encounters like those are practically forgettable, him repressing those memories out of embarassment is plausible and definitely not odd. Him being at the same party as her in present day as adults shouldn’t be a concern either, unless he’s being dishonest and that said 8th grade encounter was non consensual. A larger concern is him lying about his virginity early on. Not a huge concern but one worth addressing through a simple “hey, I know you get embarrassed about things but just make sure you’re honest about things when you open up with me”.
I’d be more worried about him lying and not liking you hanging out with friends because “jealousy and safety”. That just sounds controlling and weird.