I’m 31(f), my husband is 36(m). I’m preparing to finally leave him after being with him for 10 years (married for 6). I know that I’m an intelligent, talented, good looking gal, but my self confidence is in the crapper because of this relationship, and I haven’t taken proper care of myself in years. I wasted a decade of my life being absorbed by this toddler trapped in a man’s body. I’m depressed. Soooo depressed. “Can’t get up off the couch” depressed. Scared, terrified honestly of life without him, even though I’m not in love with him anymore. Haven’t been since 2016. Last year he cheated on me twice, and I took him back both times. Once a week after my grandmother passed. Stupid, I know. He has discouraged me from seeking help for my depression, but I finally made an appointment to see my doctor in a couple of days, so that feels like my first “win.” He has tried to turn me against my family, and his family has done nothing but ostracize me and make fun of me because of my current mental state (75% of which is because of him.) And he always sides with them, never takes up for me, and joins them in criticizing me. He hasn’t been himself for quite sometime, since he got way out there weird on drugs. I struggle with addiction as well, but it hasn’t changed who I am as a person. He was on crystal meth really bad for a while, and it gave him a huge God complex. He’s very demeaning, and has really only ever appreciated me for sex. When I’ve declined (which isn’t often because I know what a problem it creates), he throws a temper tantrum and will hound me until he gets what he wants. And that’s not attractive in the least. My head is super effed up around sex in general because of that. He’s also been physically abusive to me. The last fight we got into he slammed me on the couch and messed up a nerve in my back so bad that I literally couldn’t walk for a week. Oh, and I’m also in 10k of credit card debt because he won’t get off his ass and get a job. (I suppose he expects me to pay the bills myself forever.)
So. How do I move on from this? I don’t even know where to start. I’m emotionally, mentally, and financially bankrupt. But I know I have to do this. Please, give me advice.
6 comments
Sobriety, for starters. You said you battle addiction as well, so if you’re serious about a life change that would be another huge win. Self love and courage are important here too. Your head is in the right place already. Now you need to come up with a plan, stick to it, and move on with your life. There’s much more out there for you, I promise.
From your post history sounds like it was a long time coming good luck for the future.
You can only take care of yourself, and take it as it comes. Sounds like you’ll be much happier you just don’t know it yet.
First step is to call a crisis hotline and start making a safety plan. If he’s physically abusive, he could be very very dangerous as you try to leave. Time to practice good research and find resources to help keep you safe.
I (37M)just went through this last month and signed the paperwork with her(45). We have been separated since Sept last year and were trying but it just got to where she was rude and emotional every interaction. I’m thinking menopause.
Try to separate as much financial things if possible amicably. Banks, car insurance credit cards. If it can be done reasonably it might only cost filing fees and be much cheaper.. if it’s impossible, get a lawyer soon and prepare for an emotional draining mitigation.
I completely feel for what you are about to go through but get it going and don’t drag out over depression. Set timelines and benchmarks. And hope the best. Feel free to reach out for emotional support cause mine is very fresh.
break up. he’s holding you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!