My girlfriend (27/f) and I (29/m) have been together for two years. She is the love of my life and I am ready to take the next step. After confiding in her best friend about this, I am 95% certain she is also ready. I am planning on buying a ring within the next week or so.
The only thing I am worried about is the intimacy that comes with being married. See, the thing is that she has autism. That plus the fact she comes from a very conservative family has made the topic of sex very awkward. As you might suspect, we have not been intimate yet, and she is still a virgin. The few times I’ve tried to bring the topic up, she gets embarrassed and quickly changes the subject. The only thing she has expressed is that she wants to wait until marriage, which I am totally fine with. Thus far, intimacy for us has been limited to hand holding, hugging/cuddling, and kissing (no tongue or making out, just simple kisses).
I won’t lie, though none of this is a dealbreaker, it has been very difficult for me. While I love everything about her, even her quirks, I crave being physically intimate with her. Not just sex, but even touching and kissing her more than we do. I understand a lot of it is due to her sensitivity issues caused by her autism and not just her being conservative.
I guess what I’m wondering is 1. how to help her feel more comfortable talking about sex, and 2. how to even have sex with her with her sensitivity to what/how things touch her (e.g. we’ve spent hundreds of dollars trying to find the right sheets and blankets that didn’t irritate her).
Anyways, any advice is welcome. I don’t want this to be an obstacle that we can’t overcome. Even if it’s baby steps, I’m willing to do whatever it might take to help her feel more comfortable talking about and eventually engaging in physical intimacy.
3 comments
No sex before marriage is an absolute pet peeve of mine. Usually it’s a religion thing, I get in your case that’s probably not the case, and that DOES change things somewhat. Nevertheless the usual problems with it STILL apply:
* You have absolutely no idea if you are even remotely sexually compatible with this person. Finding out AFTER you have a legally binding relationship is not the best timing.
* People tend to rush in to marriage, because, guess what, people wanna fuck.
I would not marry someone you have no established sexual intimacy with in the hopes that after getting married they will suddenly open up.
Be direct, tell her that sex and physical intimacy is something you want in a relationship.
You need to take a trip to the deadbedrooms subreddit and see what happens to couples that wait till marriage and have zero sexual compatibility. Absolute do not marry her until you are comfortable sexually together.