Which I call bullshit on. I do believe he has trouble expressing himself but I also believe there’s more than that under the surface. I feel like he’s very insecure and feels inadequate? He doesn’t want to appear vulnerable while he has no idea that I like that about him. Ever since we met he’s been exercising routinely. The amount of time he puts into exercise is twice the time we spend “chattinng” before bed. I wish he didn’t have to try so hard.
Ps: He never had sex and he says I’m gonna be his first which I’m sure puts a lot of pressure on him. But at this point it’s getting unbearable. He doesn’t text me for hooooours on end and I have to be ok with it, but when I do the same, he throws a diatribe at me. I’m dealing with a person with so much trapped anger and insecurity. Whenever I point out his shortcomings he says “I’m trying hard to be better, for you” and “I’m not ready for someone perfect like you”. But then again he goes on to ignore me the next day. If he thinks I’m so great, why does he treat me like shit? I don’t know which strategy to adopt anymore? Eye for eye? Or be patient like the older wiser one? I feel like he’s manipulative but also helpless and.. I won’t lie. I have feelings for him. What should I do?
TLDR; Younger bf acting hot and cold (but mostly cold lol) based on insecurities of him thinking I’m out of his league/have more experience. Whenever I decide to leave he pulls me back to him and says a few nice words, and once he knows he got me back, he goes on to mistreat me.
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>But at this point it’s getting unbearable.
Then you know what you need to do. You take people as they are, not what you hope they might turn into if you hang around and put up with their nonsense indefinitely.
Google “the cycle of abuse” and see if that doesn’t ring any bells for you.
You don’t need his permission to break up with him.
You don’t need a strategy to manage him. He doesn’t want to change how he behaves. This works for him. He gets you back this way, and he never has to improve or change his own behaviors.
You need to end it. And block all contact with the person who only wants to manpulate you, and not offer you the kind of relationship you need and deserve.
Why are you tolerating this?
Tell him what you just posted.
It’s a littlw weird that you want to date a teenager anyway. No wonder he is so immature? He’s literally a teenager. Find someone your own age and communicate with them better than this guy. You say yourself you like when he’s vulnerable with you, but he “has no idea” you feel that way. Do you also expect him to read minds? Men are conditioned in society to hold their emotions in and not appear vulnerable. He has growing up to do, but you also need to make sure you are using clear and direct communication with future partners
I think this is a level of immaturity that is just part of his age. I’m 19 (turning 20 next week) myself and can’t imagine myself communicating properly with a 24 year old if we were in a romantic relationship. Maybe you need to find someone a little older so you’re in similar phases of life?
EDIT: not to say that his behavior is justified at all! But I don’t think this will necessarily improve, especially given his age. I would strongly consider leaving.
If he has a hard time expressing his emotions, he is not ready to date, and he needs to learn how to do this before engaging in another relationship.
Partners don’t abuse their partners if they want a loving and positive relationship. If he did this once and then said he would change when you said that this relationship is cooked, and he did change, then he deserved the chance. If he begs you to stay, after you want to leave several times, and his behaviour doesn’t change, he doesn’t have any intention of changing.
You need to move on. His words don’t mean ‘shit’.