what did the ‘no contact’ part of an ending relationship teach you?

30 comments

1. It taught me life will continue to go on, with or without them.

2. You’re not the main character in life. Others can make decisions that affect or influence you somehow. It’s your choice how you choose to react and not doing anything aside from moving on is an option.

3. It actually gave me a sense of strength. Although I wanted to contact them, I realized that I’m not a slave to my emotions. On the reverse side, someone honoring my “no contact” request makes me respect them a bit more.

   No contact is hard but valuable in setting strong boundaries and communicating those boundaries.

4. That it really wasn’t as difficult as I’d thought it be.

5. 1. How incredibly valuable and freeing it is to be able to curate my life and choose who gets to interact with me.
   2. How many people still feel entitled to your time and energy even after the relationship is over and a no-contact boundary has been set.

6. That he gave zero shits lol

   Also that I dealt with *a lot* of emotional and mental abuse that I didn’t see until I was out of it

7. That ‘no contact’ is still shitty for MY psyche, but that sometimes my ex-partner’s needs are valid and that’s what they need at the time.

8. How freeing it was to live without them.

9. Its a must if you are willing to move on. Its hard and sometimes the urge to talk to them would hit you, but it give you the control not to.

10. That there’s life outside of them and that I’m better off.

11. My worth.

12. So freeing and essential for moving on, at least for me. Allowed me the room to heal, grow and change.

13. It hurts

14. Frequently it’s for the best because lots of people simply cannot let go.

15. That the other people in my life were so much nicer, more fun, and more supportive of me than my partner had been.

16. I was always one of those who wanted to “be friends” with an ex, but this last round of breakup a year ago I decided I wanted no contact for a long time before I made any decisions about keeping him in my life. And I realized through this that he really wasn’t filling any roles in my life my other loved ones weren’t and that we won’t talk in any way until I’m sure that it’s not motivated by me feeling guilty, or like I owe him something, and maybe not even then. I’m really happy as is, and I hope he is too, but our lives are separate now.

17. It’s difficult knowing you’re strangers again (after talking to each other everyday) but it’s definitely essential if you want to move on and heal.

18. It’s hard. It’s good for both of you though.

    It’s hard remembering this sometimes because as time goes on I start thinking that he never cared as much as I did. But I still love him to death so I will respect it if that’s what he needs.

19. The significance of snow balling effect. The more time i don’t contact them, the easier I’ll find it to stay that way. Break it once and you’re back at square one. It also frees you mentally, as you no longer engage in arguments, pointless discussions with them.

20. That it was harder for them than it was for me.

    I went no contact with my ex husband right after the papers were signed (we had only been texting before to make sure the paperwork was correct and to confirm court dates for the finalization hearing).

    The moment I told him to stop contacting me, he kept trying to find reasons to. The last one was when a certain person won an election. He texted me an apology and offered me the half of the joint account he had originally said I had no right to, no strings attached.

    It was a trap so I blocked him on everything. My life has been much, much smoother from then on. I highly recommend going NC. We’d been together for ten years, known each other for twelve, and it didn’t even break my stride.

21. It made much easier that I moved to an other country but still I tend to think about it a lot. I hope it will help me in a way that I got experienced and I don’t let ppl use me anymore. I see when someone wants to control me.
    It’s just sucks when it’s your own family. Better I never been happier.

22. [removed]

23. That having a relationship is not important. It doesn`t really matter, if you have one or not.

24. No contact is what i’ve automatically done every time a relationship has ended for me, unless the relationship ended on veeerrryyy good terms and we wanted to stay acquaintances. I’ve never really thought about it, just what i’ve automatically done, and i don’t know any other way. But what i do know is that in theory it would be way more comfortable and freeing for me to cut contact rather than to keep talking to them.

    Blocking them immediately after certain things are settled and some goodbyes are said is the way to go in my opinion. No more drama, no chance for more unnecessary heartbreak, and while it can hurt, it’s a whole new chapter for you and while it may not feel like it, you will get past the hurt and be a better person because of it.

    Because of my automatic no contact “rule”, i’ve had extremely clean breakups and little to no post breakup drama. It’s very very freeing.

    Good luck and i hope all is going well for you!

25. I’m always the one to initiate no contact and it is always difficult and embarrassing for me because other people move on very easily so it makes me feel quite discarded by the people that I love. I also know it’s what I need to feel better. It takes me quite a long time to feel okay after a relationship, but it gets easier every time.

26. It gave me the distance and clarity to come to realize that this person was not actually very nice to me towards the end of our relationship and that I’m probably much better off without them.

27. That it’s definitely the way to go, it’s not always easy and I’ve had my moments where I think about what would happen if I reached out but it passes and I’m always glad I didn’t.

    I think regardless of how things ended, some proper time apart to yourself is really beneficial to let yourself properly detach and find yourself again

28. How much time I was wasting on him and his nonsense. I had so much more time to do the things I wanted to. 10 months and still happier without him.

29. It mainly helped me to see things clearly.
    To look back at the past and be really sure I do not want that back ever again.
    Also I learned my ex was not a good person.

30. They were more immature than I thought and needed to play the victim. My life has been so much more peaceful since cutting her off and it fills me with such joy to never have to see her again.

    It also taught me that family really can be chosen. You have to choose who is going to add value to your life and remember you need to add value to theirs too.