My partner and I have been together for a while and we are very happy in our relationship except for one thing. I am a very private person and my partner is not. They very much say anything and everything that is on their mind and I get very uncomfortable with the thought of that.
I feel like my safe space is in my head and I’m not obligated to tell anyone my deepest darkest secrets, even my SO. A part of me feels like it is giving up my autonomy and that if I don’t want to share something, I don’t have to. I feel this way about my SO too, they don’t have to share everything with me.
And when I don’t share something I get accused of being suspicious and blamed that I am doing/thinking weird things.
This is one of the things that cause most of the fights in our relationship.
3 comments
You’re right. There’s a difference between secrecy and having healthy boundaries, which include what you choose to be private. It’s a sign of healthy boundaries to choose what feels safe to share and what feels good to keep private. Think about it. We don’t all blab to everyone about our sex lives or our bathroom habits, but that doesn’t mean we’re being secretive.
Your girlfriend gets to choose what feels good for her to share, but it’s a sign of being controlling to try to sway you to change what is a healthy boundary for you. Her intrusion and lack of trust is a major red flag.
I agree with your perspective. In my opinion you don’t need to share every thought or idea with your partner. I honestly don’t know how I’d react if my girlfriend told me “I’m upset because you’re thinking weird thoughts” like what the hell does that even mean?
If you’re a man – NEVER!