24F 28M. I’ve only been on a couple dates with this guy and we have our third date next week. We slept together the last time we went out. I met all of his friends as well. I spent the night at his house and he made me breakfast the next morning. I drank a little too much the night before and threw up in front of him. But he was so nice and caring he gave me his shirt and bought me medicine and Gatorade from the store and he rubbed my head until I felt better. And he texted me the next day after all of that. I’ve never slept with somebody this early before but I felt really, genuinely comfortable with him.
And I’m not the kind of person that dates more than one person at once when I start liking someone, but I know that because we met on a dating app nothing should be assumed. I kind of want to ask him next time if he is going to continue dating/sleeping with other people while he is seeing me, because I don’t know if that is something I can handle if we are sleeping together. I think it’s a fair question to ask right? It’s not asking for any sort of commitment, it’s just asking to give me a fair shot at exclusivity, mainly for safety and because we should be able to focus on each other. We did talk on the first date about how we are both looking for a relationship and aren’t interested in anything casual.
TLDR: When is it too soon to ask somebody if they’re dating other people and if they would consider just dating you?
9 comments
It’s pretty early to ask for dating exclusivity, but I don’t think there is any problem with you letting him know that you don’t like to serially date and are focused on him right now. But be prepared for whatever his response may be.
In regards to sexual exclusivity, that’s a different story as it’s a health issue. You have every right to stop sleeping with him if he intends to have sex with other people.
My SO told me on our first date that she only dates one person at a time, if she put no pressure on me to do the same. But I was smitten by her, and by the third date, I was completely off that apps. This was also when we started having sex.
if youre having sex, its definitely a question you should ask.
Timeline depends on you two. It’s different for everyone. I met my fiancé on Hinge. Went on our first date on a Sunday and that Tuesday, he deleted that app. That Friday he said he fell in love with me. But my ex before him took almost a month and 6 dates before the conversation came up.
My experience is rare but I would say if you’re already wanting to be exclusive, then the sooner the better. He might be thinking the same. You can always phrase it like “Where do you see this going” or “Are you seeing anyone else”. These are fair questions to ask but it also doesn’t trap him in the “be my boyfriend” area. It helps you gauge how he feels.
I think once you sleep together, it’s a fair ask to make if that is something you require going forward.
it’s generally best to set these boundaries before you have sex with someone, but the next best time is now.
You definitely should have asked before you had sex. He’s already said he’s not interested in casual dating, and you’ve slept together, so yeah you should definitely ask about it.
Totally up to y’all! I think having sex shouldn’t determine exclusivity. If you feel like there has been a strong enough mutual emotional and physical connection that makes you want to be exclusive, I don’t think it’s bad to ask! You could also maybe throw in comments here and there about enjoying time with him etc. find a time and space where y’all can unwind and be vulnerable.
I don’t think it’s too soon. It shows you feel seriously about him.
“Hey, I *really* like you and think we could have something really great together. I don’t want to date anyone else for as long as I’m dating you, do you feel the same?”
If he thinks it’s too early then he’s not right for you. You have nothing to lose.