I am 26 yrs old female dating 27 yrs old male. We had a fight yesterday in the public, I tried to keep it down since we are in public but he started to verbally abuse me with words that I have not heard from anyone before. When I told him to shut up, he started saying more. Within our 10 months of dating, I know he has anger issues, he cannot control the actions or words that he blurts out those times. It has been 3rd time this happened even after he had promised to never verbally abuse me again.
Fast forward this morning, I was sleeping cause I didn’t have work today. He started to open the door of the kitchen so noise from outside is coming in. Then he opened the music loud, I told him to turn the volume down cause I cannot sleep. He said it is 10AM now why can’t I turn on music. I felt so violated and upset so I told him I am going back to my house I can’t live with you anymore. He started yelling and when I was trying to call taxi, he said why didn’t you leave yet and threw all my things outside the window and in the hallway. We are living in an apartment. I felt scared so I tried to leave as soon as possible but he grabbed my phone and told me not to leave. Then pinged me onto the bed and strangled me with his hands. I was choking. At the time my sister called me and he stopped after hearing the call. I was shaking and crying cause I never experienced this and he is my first boyfriend. Then he started bawling and apologized me numerous times not to leave him. Saying I am the love of his life. He looked and sounded very genuine. Saying this will be the last time he is being like this towards me. I was determined to get out from that house and returned to my place. I eventually did after him pulling me back so that I cannot leave. Then he sent the mesg saying he is really sorry for what happened and he did unforgivable things so he will leave me. I begged him to break up with me this morning as well.
Does he deserve second chance? Being physically abusive is his first time to me. Other times he is sweet person.
28 comments
Sorry, but you need to get out of there and fast. Unless he gets help for his issues he will only get worse.
Why in the world would you want to stay with someone you say verbally abuses you? How do you feel when he does that? Do you want more of that and for it to escalate? You already know what you need to do. Now do it and get on with life. You deserve better.
Nope. Arguments are one thing. Violence is another.
Run.
He’s going to murder you, and you know it.
Leave this man. He absolutely can control himself it’s that he doesn’t want to. Please don’t fall for the fake nice guy act. It will only get worse. You deserve better.
He tried to murder you. You’re asking if you should give him a second chance so that he can what, finish the job?
No. You should not do that.
I did not read the whole thing, just up until the point where you said that he “verbally abused” you. You should not, under any circumstance, give this s-stain another chance. He neither does nor ever will respect you. You are walking into a DV situation.
Strangling is ATTEMPTED MURDER. Why would you give him a second chance to succeed???
No he is unstable emotionally. He is physically abusive, why would you want to stay with someone who screams at you in public and beats you up when you are trying to leave.
One time being screamed at – learn that this is not acceptable to you and walk away. Treat people like you want to be treated, but likewise don’t accept being treated like an emotional punching bag from anyone.
You don’t need to beg him to break up, you are broken up that goes for him and you, one person can decide a break up.
Get your stuff and stay far far away from him.
Nope, if you are desperate enough to go to reddit to ask this question, the answer will always be no.
I understand wanting to try again with your first serious partner acter they fuck up. I understand trying to see the good in a person that you love and has seemingly loved you too, has been so affectionate with you and made you feel so good in the past. But trust me, just because he was your first boyfriend does not mean that he will be your last, and yes relationships are hard and should be worked on.
But when your partner is so easily willing to not only verbally abuse you in public but also physically assault you in private; Shows that he is willing to hurt. He will justify it again when he eventually hurts you again. He may not stop next time or the time after that or the time after that. Because this will be a cycle of abuse, one that you should not go back to. I know he sounds genuinely happy now, but if you so easily forgive him and go back, he will not learn his lesson and you will stay in danger.
Move on, find someone new or something else, let him reflect and hopefully grow as a person because what he did isn’t right. You will not be his victim again.
People who choke their partners like yours did are the most likely to end up murdering their partners later on. Look it up- it is the most common warning sign of fatal DV. OP, please don’t go back to him. We’re not exaggerating when we say your life may be at risk.
Also look up love bombing, and the cycles abusers go through of violence->love-bombing->violence. Your partner is showing textbook abusive behaviour and the apologies and promises to improve are just a part of the cycle. He will do it again, he’s showing all the signs. The next time will probably be worse.
What part of this sounds healthy or reasonable to you?
Thank you everyone, you guys are right. I might be blinded by the memories that we spent for 10 months. I will leave him for good
He strangled you!!!! “Should i give him a second chance?” NO, GIVE HIM A RESTRAINING ORDER.
The only choking that should happen is if you consent to it during intimacy cause there are couples that enjoy that during intimacy. Anything else is just a MAJOR red flag.
Read your post few times and if you still think about being with him, seek some therapy.
Nope. Cut him out. Break up over text. If you still have stuff over there consider it a loss or get an escort to help you.
You need to get yourself checked. Even if there isn’t outward bruising you can still suffer from internal damage to the throat. Choking even consensual is dangerous for that reason.
This is 10 months in.
He verbally abused you. He threw your stuff. He trapped you. He assaulted you. “I promise not to do it again.” Is what most abusers say to victims so they can keep them. He already said he wouldn’t verbally abuse you after first and second time. He’s not good at keeping his word.
Yes he can be sweet. That’s why it’s hard to leave. Abusive relationships start out normal. Sweet words, supportive, loving, hugs, affection and etc. slowly it’s start with criticism, mean comments, insults posed as jokes. Then it escalates.
Do not think you’re at fault for making him mad. Don’t stay thinking he’ll change back to the guy you fell in love with. Cause that guy is just a reflection of who he wanted you to see.
If your sister’s bf or husband did that to her would you want her to stay in that relationship?
I’m sorry you are going thru this. He maybe your first bf but please don’t make him your last.
He’s totally a sweet person except when he verbally abuses me in public and tries to kill me! Girl, give your head a shake. I don’t care that he’s your first boyfriend, you MUST know none of this is normal. I don’t GAF that he cried after or begged you not to leave him, you need to get out of there asap. Abuse of this nature doesn’t stop, it escalates. And if he’s strangling you after 10 months it’s terrifying to think how quickly his anger will escalate. Talk to your friends and your family. Anyone who can help you get away from him and keep him out of your life so you can actually have a chance to live it
No, do not give him a second chance, he does’t deserve it and if you stay with him it’s only going to get worse.
You do realise that, have your sister not called, he might have killed you right? Please leave him.
Leave him.
Press charges.
Respect yourself enough to know that this isn’t love, this is control.
From someone who didn’t leave after the first time and barely made it out.
Leave him. Being unhappily single is infinitely times better than being in an abusive relationship. If you continue in this relationship, your own self-worth will slowly wither away until you become a shell of who you used to be and/or he will do serious damage to you and possibly murder you. This abusive behaviour will only worsen if you stick around and put up with it.
I have a brother who was abusive, both to my family and his partners. Only after everyone walked away and he stewed in the consequences of his behaviour did he improve. If you don’t leave him, you are unintentionally telling him this behaviour is OK, even if you tell him it’s not.
Abusive shitheads are human cancer.
Why? Why do you think it’s okay for him to do that to you when you Know he will do it again if not worse?
Never speak to him again. Block him on all platforms. If you stay with him, he’ll probably end up killing you.
Strangling is really bad! Look up the statistics on abuse, it usually starts there & most domestic abuse victims who are killed are killed by strangulation.
No forgiveness. You’ve been stepping over the red flags for 10 months. Leave before it escalates any further. You are in danger physically and mentally.
He choked you, call the police and press charges. Get a restraining order and cut contact. He will continue to assault you and eventually kill you if you don’t get away. He needs help and by pressing charges it maybe the wake up call he needs.
“Outside of all the times he’s a piece of absolute garbage he’s sweet”
Yeah. There’s people who are always sweet. No he doesn’t deserve another chance. Have some self respect. If your friend or sibling came to you with this story what would you say?