My first reddit post so bear with me. Ive been with my bf for almost 3 years. We love each other and spend great time together but there is an issue where his comments about my appearance lead to my insecurities. I am a direct person and often tell him if im hurt, but its gotten to the point where im not sure if its him being insensitive or me being easily offended and allowing myself for it to lead to insecurities.
The other day he told me he would like it if i started going to the gym again and aim to get a bubble butt. Mind you, i am a slim/skinny girl and my whole life i was, finding it difficult to bulk or gain weight. I asked him why is that so important to him (ironically the night before i expressed how uncomfortable i am with him constantly looking at IG models who show off their asses). He told me its bc that part excites him a lot and if he were to DESIGN my body, he would make my butt perkier. Then he went on to discuss further what else he would do if he could “design” my body, mainly with the focus on the bum and my tits staying the same size as they are during my period. After seeing my facial expressions and silent reaction, he said ah i hope you didnt take it badly. I told him its a bit insulting and i think he takes my appearance as it is for granted.
An hour later, we are walking to get some food and he tells me why dont i try out a different hairstyle and color (i never dyed my hair) – saying the reason he says it is bc im young and should try things put. I agree its nice to try out things but i love my natural color and also after the convo we had before, i felt like all he is commenting on is my physical appearance in a manner to change it. After that, he started saying i need to get new clothes bc i always wear the same rotations of my fancier clothes. I told him they are nice clothes and i got a new top which i only worn twice, and he corrected me to say it was three times (it wasnt). I said im not rich to only wear an item a maximum of 1-2 times.
TLDR; How do i express to my boyfriend without starting an argument that even though i know he doesnt have bad intentions with his comments, his phrasing on my physical appearance (where the focus is on me changing it) hurts me? I do think its normal to express preferences, but if that is significantly higher being discussed than appreciating for someone as they are already seems off to me.
5 comments
Is this a real post? On the off chance it is, express to him that he’s just been broken up with. He can’t really argue with that.
I’m a M 30 if he still speaks to you like that at his big age, I fear he’s just not a good person at all I wouldn’t dream of belittling my partner like that. My advice would be leave him
This is him saying your existence is to please him and make him feel good. This is a sign of a narcissist. I had an abusive relationship just like this.
Nothing in what you said leads me to believe that he has any respect or care for you other than how you make him feel or look to others.
My advice is to cut your losses and leave this jerk in the dust.
I stopped reading after he said design your body excites him because that’s genuinely sick. That’s a really gross way to view people. You are not a Lego you are a human being nobody gets to design you. He’s not talking about styling your hair or doing your make-up he wants to put you through rigorous training to change the shape of your body which when done right takes 2-3 years. It’s gross. Leave him, he’s not mentally well.
This ain’t build a bear baby girl