I’m in a hobby club of sorts, and somebody in it often messages me asking if I’d like to do things outside of the club, like grab a drink etc (as friends).
Issue is, I’m happy with the social group I have, and am not really interested in getting to know this person better. For nearly a month now I’ve given an apologetic no to every plan they’ve asked me about, but they haven’t seemed to have gotten the hint. What should I do from here? I can’t really ignore them either as we are in many group chats together
We’ve gone to a few events as a group too, and they spent a lot of the time following me around
I understand this might make me sound quite mean: there is more context to this, but the be all and end all is that I don’t want to be more than acquaintances with this person.
What should I do?
7 comments
Apparently you’re supposed to tell this person you’re not interested in being friends, according to people who can’t get a hint and come here to complain how annoying it is to be ghosted or be given “I’m busy” excuses. However when I ask those people how exactly do they want me to say that, ironically they either don’t respond at all or start giving evasive answers themselves.
And yes, I’m as bitter as I sound about this shit. Those types of clingy people just want you to like them and be their friend, no matter what. Even if you have to twist into a pretzel to do so.
tell them you got a bf or gf
Just have a gentle conversation with them and say you don’t want to be their friend
There’s no way to do it without hurting their feelings so just bite the bullet. “Sorry, you seem nice but I’m not really interested in hanging out outside of [club]. That’s plenty of socialising for me.”
I think I understand you but you should provide more context because you do sound mean. For example, do these folks want to ride your coattails for clout? To nag you with their issues? To maybe get close enough to try to tear you down or get dirt on you? Or maybe you have great energy. Maybe you’re a great listener. Please elaborate.
Ghost them, reply late to their messages. Don’t sit next to them in your gatherings find someone else.
Just kill it slowly
You could say that you’re not really into socializing much and prefer to be by yourself after the social group thing. That way it doesn’t come off as personal