All was really good for 5 1/2 years. I believe that French saying women are like flowers they need to breathe. I let her do whatever she wants, I’m not controlling or possessive. Even this morning she was in my lap kissing me good morning while stroking my hair saying I love you. Granted she is diagnosed bipolar rapid cycling but it’s gotten so much worse last maybe 6-8 weeks. Literally kicked me out of our car while she was driving -I had to walk home- cause I wanted to talk about our problems before the concert we were going to so we could move on. Just found out after concert she went to another guys house and cheated on me. I told her I would never leave her just for having mental disease (I’m a psychologist) and we’d get through it. But honestly I can’t do it anymore. We share a dog and cat together we adopted when we moved in together. Honestly it’s really shitty I’m tryna put on a brave face. Last time I cried she said I was faking it, being manipulative and just trying to upset her (I wasn’t). I know there are two sides to every story but that’s mine. Idk why I’m posting on here. I’m from a really bad neighborhood originally and most my friends are in jail or dead. I never cheated on her and I was so close to proposing the date of wedding in January. The crazy thing is until recently everything was perfect 🙃 was 100% convinced she was love of my life. I had 0 doubt we would marry.
29 comments
If you 100% know she cheated on you. Then I would take a break from the relationship. No fight or disease excuses breaking someone’s trust. So it might be good for you both to get some perspective alone.
I can understand you are trying to excuse her actions because of her mental state but you have to understand that you feeling hurt because of them isn’t any less valuable. You need to be a little more selfish here and find a way to be happy in your relationship too.
Wow, you are justifying abusive behavior due to mental health issues. She kicked you out of the car and made you walk home for wanting to have a serious discussion, then she cheated on you. If you have any self respect you will run away as soon as possible. Sorry for your loss but this relationship will never make you happy.
Re-read your post. She cheated on you, just leave
You deserve better. Don’t look back, block her on your phone, social media – absolutely everything. Don’t contact her. That relationship sounds toxic af. You will get through this, focus on yourself first. Distraction is going to be the best thing you can do for yourself. Try not to do any alcohol nor substances – stay level headed. If you need to chat, dm me. Been there done that. Big ups to you for finally realizing that was the last straw! 👏
“Cried just to make her feel bad” is exactly the reason women don’t understand why we feel hesitant to be vulnerable around them. I’m bipolar 1, granted I have done things ie get angry over small stuff or shut down out of paranoia but I can’t just blanket statement my illness to get away with hurting people. I life in fear constantly that I’m going to have a psychotic break and do something stupid because that’s very possible a reality for me. However even so, I can’t go around and hurt people.
I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, I know it must be tough, but it’s ok to walk away for the sake of your own mental health, and sometimes it’s just what you have to do. Happy to have a chat with you if you need someone to talk to
You don’t have kids. Get the fuck out of there before you end up in a mess yourself
>I believe that French saying women are like flowers they need to breathe.
What? I’m french, no idea what you’re talking about
>I told her I would never leave her just for having mental disease (I’m a psychologist)
… She cheated on you, it’s not about her having a mental desease, it’s about you being in a bad relationship. Yes her being bipolar could be the cause of her behavior but this doesn’t change the facts she cheats on you.
Not sure why you being a psychologist has anything to do with this except making me think that you likely don’t care enough about your own mental health with focusing on someone else.
Leave, you need to think of yourself first. You’re not leaving a patient in need (which you should if it was negatively impacting your mental health), you’re leaving a cheater.
Mental illness isn’t an excuse to cheat, or kick you o it if the car to walk home. She ain’t the one, it’s time to leave her
So just curious but you said you let her do whatever she wanted then you said she cheated. It sounded like you allowed her to do her thing but go upset when she did. I’m just a bit confused.
What would you tell your patients? Is she taking her medications?
Having a mental illness doesn’t me you can cheat. Good for you once she’s out block her on everything. It’s hard now but it does get better.
It just show psychologistys are like others . Don’t self diagnose emotional issues when you have so much skin in the game.
A cheater is a special breed that will take advantage until you lose your abilities. Don’t ask why just exit.
Aw, I just wanna say that I’m sorry. This sounds really hard and painful and I hope you can take the time to get support. You sound like a really great person and this is definitely a big loss. As a psychologist, it’s time for you to take care of yourself the same way you care for your patients. Give yourself compassion, empathy, and do the things you know to do in order to start rebuilding your life. (From one clinician to another 🙂).
bro if you need a friend don’t hesitate to reach out. I will be your friend.
Sorry this happened op
>I told her I would never leave her just for having mental disease
You didn’t. You left her because she was abusive and unfaithful. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I really believe you’re doing the right thing.
Toxic behavior is still toxic even if there are reasons behind it and it sounds like you are the one always on the receiving end. If the person isn’t genuinely trying to improve themselves/the relationship you have little choice but to get out or suffer death by 1000 cuts.
She isn’t your problem. DONT WASTE YOUR TIME TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE. This isn’t a fucking movie, if you continue this relationship then 10 years down the line you’ll regret it.
Just because you are a psychologist and might be able to handle the load, doesn’t mean you have to.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t let it harden you.
If you’re looking for validation that you’re doing the right thing, you have it. Don’t waste your life on someone who makes you miserable.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, good luck OP you can do much better
Oh dude this sucks. I am sorry.
Don’t feel bad about posting here, if we wanted we coukd just have stopped reading and moved along.
You should know this, its ok to need to talk to someone and take things off your chest and put feelings into words.
Work hard on creating new routines because breaking up with someone after that long, I feel like the day to say is the hardest part. Listen to different music or find podcasts for times you two would be chatting. Go to the gym. Find something social to do.
It won’t be easy, but it will pass.
You have displayed great strength to not follow the path of your friends.
She needs to go and I am glad you are moving her out.
You got this!
Edit for clarity
As a psychologist, what advice would you give to a patient in your situation?
Leave. Mental illness is the an excuse to treat your partner horribly and cheat on them. You deserve better.
Dude, to say/feel you wouldn’t leave someone for having a mental disease seems admirable but makes me think you have co-dependency issues. Dig deep on yourself.
Being a psychologist doesn’t mean you have to put up with someone’s mental instability. You are more empathetic to her and you can remain that… but it shouldn’t be at the cost of your own mental well-being. You need to learn when enough is enough. Someone people take and take and take and at the end of it they’ll make you feel bad for not giving them more.
You’re not leaving because of her mental illness. You’re leaving because of the things she did. Even if she was manic at the time, it’s not a blank check to betray you and do thinks to hurt and undermine the relationship. Mental Illness is an explanation for behavior but it is not an excuse.
I’m not sure if you’re patient facing but if you are, think of what you’d say to a patient who came to you and told you what you told us.