Throwaway account
Boyfriend(28m)and I(21f) met through a mutual friend, started dating immediately. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost 10 months and things have been really really good so far. I have never had these strong of feelings for a guy before. He bought me a ring a couple months ago and we have talked about moving in together. As things have gotten more serious it seems like we get into more fights.
The last couple of months we have gotten into arguments. 1st was him not wanting me to go back home after a few days with him. I don’t want to either but I have no clothes and have things to do. We got into arguments about that couple of times. He sees it like I don’t want to be there I guess, which isn’t true at all I hate when I have to. I tell him to come with me, sometimes he does and other times is just mad for like an entire day.
He has been asking about who I’m texting lately. It is always my friends or about work. I ask him why and he just gets quiet and weird?
If we go out somewhere with friends it always turn into a fight if alcohol is involved, always. He has accused me of “wanting” to cheat twice whatever that means. If I go somewhere with my friends it constant texting until we get in a fight and I just leave. I try to bring these things up and talk to him about it he brushes it off, tells me this is what a serious relationship is and that he just cares about me loves me and is then really nice. I have never been through this in a relationship and I stay confused.
As a side note the sex has also gotten way too rough which I was thinking of making a separate post about. It was fine when it was like 20 minutes but he discovered these pills and he lasts way longer which we have also had some arguments about. Please help me understand and how I can talk to him about these things in way that doesn’t end up in argument.I hate us arguing and hate confrontation, makes me feel awful. Is my relationship fucked? Please be honest
TL;DR boyfriend and I have been arguing more and it is giving me second thoughts but I like him so much and might not be thinking clearly
13 comments
Oh god. Honey, that’s really fucked up.
Not a single one of these issues is a normal relationship problem. Every single one is a red flag for abuse, except the last, which is abuse if he knows it’s hurting you. But what you have is somebody who doesn’t trust you (relationships do not work without mutual trust and mutual trustworthiness) who is getting progressively more controlling, and is now starting to also hurt you. If someone accuses you of cheating and you are an honest person, it’s time to dump them and find somebody who trusts you to be with. Why settle for someone who doesn’t know who you are and will take it out on you?
>He has been asking about who I’m texting lately. It is always my friends or about work. I ask him why and he just gets quiet and weird?
Just show him, the next three times he asks. After that, tell him: “If you don’t trust me, we’ve no longer a reason for being together.”
>accused me of “wanting” to cheat twice whatever that means
Sounds horribly insecure.
> It was fine when it was like 20 minutes but he discovered these pills and he lasts way longer which we have also had some arguments about.
That sounds, really BAD. Which medication?
That is not what a serious relationship is like.
He is a very insecure selfish controlling abusive person. He also doesn’t trust you are respect you. He needs to get to therapy to get over all his issues.
You have already tried talking to him alt these things. He always gets mad. Nothing more you can do to change how he will act.
You will not change him. And he will only get worse.
A woman his own age would have probably dumped him already…
it seems like he’s trying to heavily manipulate and control you. this isn’t healthy at all. i’m afraid if you stay with him, things could get a lot worse.
>I hate us arguing and hate confrontation, makes me feel awful. Is my relationship fucked? Please be honest.
Honestly? Yeah, because HE’S fucked up. It’s not normal to prevent someone from going home, to suddenly be possessive about who you’re calling, or paranoid about cheating when you haven’t done anything wrong. And don’t get me started about the rough sex you’re not into.
Look, 10 months isn’t a long relationship. You got out of the honeymoon period where he’s on his best behavior, and now the facade is dropping. If he’s not interested in talking about these problems, take it as a sign he doesn’t care that you’re worried. Leave before it gets worse.
Your boyfriend sounds like d**khead.
He went after you because women his age aren’t gonna take his shit
He’s almost 30 and he’s acting like an insecure teen. He’s mad at you for what? Living your own life? People in relationships have their own lives outside of the relationship. That’s a very healthy part of a mature relationship.
Cheaters often get very paranoid and are the first to accuse their partner of cheating on them, because if the cheater is able to cheat, then they think that so too must their partner.
You are so young. You can do so much better than this goof.
Your boyfriend is exhibiting controlling, abusive tendencies. Some of this is outright abusive, like sex that is too rough. NONE of the issues that you mention are things that happen in healthy relationships.
This relationship is entirely about him and his needs. Trust that he knows you hate the two of you arguing and confrontation, and is taking advantage of that by bullying and controlling you into doing exactly what he wants, all the time. A good partner is happy when you spend time doing things you’re happy about (talking with friends, going out with friends, etc.). An abusive, controlling partner wants you to stay with him even though you don’t have basic necessities like clothes or prioritize basic things in your life that need accomplished.
Your relationship is fucked, but it’s not because you did anything wrong. Your boyfriend let his mask drop and you are seeing him for who he is. This behavior will get worse and his means of controlling you will likely escalate if arguing or complaining about it doesn’t work anymore. He’ll start yelling, he’ll start throwing things or hitting things, destroying your property, and eventually he’ll hit you. Not 100%, but more likely than not.
Don’t worry about if something causes an argument. Call when you are in a safe space near safe people and tell him that this relationship isn’t working for you and it’s over. Block him and don’t look back.
I’m just gonna repeat what everyone else has been saying, yes your relationship is fuxked, he’s controlling and manipulative. please do yourself a favor and leave.
complete side note can you please tell me what those pills are I would like to acquire them 😭
>If we go out somewhere with friends it always turn into a fight if alcohol is involved, always.
That is a problem.
My GF had a friend that dated this guy. First night the four of us went out he got drunk and literally got into a fist fight with another guy. He claimed this guy was flirting with his GF when the guy was actually there with another woman. I talked to the guy he was fighting and he said he had absolutely no idea why the BF was mad at him, he did absolutely nothing.
I told my GF, I will never go to another drinking function with this guy.
They went to a wedding and the groom threw the guy out of the reception. Apparently he got drunk and belligerent. How messed can it get to be thrown out of a wedding reception???
Yet, this woman still stuck with this guy. Nobody liked him she claimed he just makes bad impressions. They stopped inviting her to parties because she would always bring him and arguments would start.
Is this you? Do you want to be THAT friend with the BF nobody likes?