Growing up, I essentially had to take care of myself and was always told (in a roundabout way) that I was a burden on others. Being constantly told that has affected my psyche to the point where I feel really uncomfortable with people doing things for me. Tonight my girlfriend wanted to make dinner and I hinted at her to just make dinner for herself and I’ll make do with some water and eating dinner once I got back to my apartment. She still made dinner for me; I was very grateful for her doing that (I barely have any food in my cupboard), but there’s a part of me that feels really uncomfortable (sometimes to the point of shame) when people do things for me. I was always taught by my father that a man should “be the provider in every instance, whether it be your job, making food, or getting it on.” And with little-to-no people doing things for me, I’m used to taking care of myself (I mean, no one else truly will, right?), so feels weird and like I’m less of a man if someone tries to wine and dine me. I know how I feel isn’t healthy. My question to y’all is this:
How do I feel more comfortable with people helping and doing things for me?
1 comment
This is blunt, but not mean-intentioned. You simply need to accept & make peace with the fact that a lot of the “norms” you were raised with are simply out of date and/or wrong.
It sounds like you accept that this is the case, now you need to make peace with it and get on with your life. This is one of those times I recommend cold turkey. No baby steps, go all in. When people do things for you, tell yourself that it’s a good thing, especially because it makes you want to do things for them, and *that*, my friend, is the glue that holds all of society together.