Despite my best efforts, I think I am going to graduate next semester without any true, deep, potentially life long friendships.
I am fairly saddened and devastated by this. I feel like I am becoming more and more doomed to lead a lonely isolated life like I have already been for 24 years.
For some context, I was homeschooled all throughout K-12, and was not properly socialized then. Most people have literal decades of social skills under their belt, but I have only begun to start socializing and blossoming into a social butterfly half way through college.
The last couple semesters, I’ve been trying to remedy this by joining clubs, but I have not been able to vibe or connect with the people at the meetings. I joined the gaming club, but I am a pretty casual gamer, and can’t relate to the other people who eat/sleep/breathe gaming and internet culture. Those people were terminally online, and I like to do stuff irl.
Also tried climbing club, but I know jack about the sport, and I’m not very good at it, so I didn’t have much I could relate to other people on.
I’ve met a lot of people I enjoy having a situational convo with in classes. But, they’re more like acquaintances, and they will all go their separate ways once I graduate.
My school isn’t great for social stuff anyways, there’s not much to do, it’s a small town university.
I also missed the boat on relationships. The school is crawling with women, but I couldn’t ever get over my nerve to approach and strike up convos with them, so now I’ve diminished my chances of finding a LTR.
At this point, I feel like all I have is my elderly parents, and once they inevitably kick the bucket in a few years, I will be all by my lonesome, destined to die alone.
I regret my life choices. I wish I would have asked mom to put me in a public school when I was young. I wish I would have chosen a better college, and leave to dorm there instead of commuting from my parent’s house.
I feel like I’m doomed now to work a job, and come home to nothing but myself. I don’t know what I can do now. Socializing has always been hard for me, and now it’s going to be exponentially harder. I am not sure if I will succeed.
At least I’m getting somewhat used to being alone, but I do not want this to be the rest of my life.
I used to revel in being a lone wolf as a teenager, I’ve cursed myself.
1 comment
Dont regret even if it looks like, after graduation most people are not staying friends you are at braking point without that problem, other will raise the question why my friends are separatng. You will find new more mature people in life as good friends, for exmpl my all friends are not from high school or collage. There always two sides, by home schooling you avoided alot of shit with people, bad experiances imature bullshit, bullying, etc. You could be more fucked up about people and relationship that you are imagining now. Everything is better for you than to the rest of others. Be comfortible with tour self and the rest will add up in time.