. I am 13 F in 8th grade. I have absolutely no friends,in class I spend the day daydreaming about conversations with ppl who probably don’t even know my last name yet I know stuff about them as if I were their best friend. After all what do I even do ? phones aren’t allowed in my school all I can do I read a book whilst listening to their conversations. No one has ever approached me to start a conversation with me I can’t spend 4 more years like this.what do I do?? (Sorry for broken English I am not a native)
3 comments
28F here. Just try to be yourself! Approach your classmates, introduce yourself, and initiate conversation. I’ve learned over the years that conversation is a two-way street; you have to give it to get it sometimes. It can be hard to take the first step, but once you do, it gets easier! People can’t get to know you if you don’t let them in. I used to feel the same way, and once I started to try to put myself out there more into the different groups and social circles in school, I started to make friends. You’ll find people who have the same interests and hobbies as you, and you’ll find that there’s plenty to converse about! Don’t get discouraged either; learning how to talk to people can be hard. Maybe ask about what kind of books they like to read, or maybe what their favorite subject is. You can do this! By the way, your English is good!
I have trouble imagining myself in your shoes, but I will try my best. I think one hurdle I would face involves anxiety. Specifically the anxiety of messing up my first attempt to socialize. Now is not the time to improvise your interactions, now **is** the time to mimic fictional super-spies and infiltrators. Make a plan, execute the plan, and then write down lessons you learned from the attempt.
What would you find easier: Option A) approaching a classmate before the first class or after the final class of the day,
Option B) approaching a classmate during your lunch break,
or Option C) approaching a classmate during class.
Each of these options may look challenging. I believe you could accomplish all three of these at least once before the start of your Winter break. Start with just one. During the days or weeks leading up to your first attempt, I recommend you think about your *body language,* specifically the way you set your shoulders or bow your head.
Do you know what Gamification is? I think you could survive the scary idea of socializing if you have a reward to focus on. Get a piece of paper, write down your plan, and consider why a relaxing, normal conversation will be good. You could set a goal of talking about where you lived in the past. As a reward, you may be able to learn about the unusual places a classmate has visited. Sharing personal information like that is an example of *showing trust*. Especially if a person shares information independently (meaning you did not directly ask for them to reveal their history). This example is not a giant, serious example of trust, but it is a good step.
Those little victories are impossible unless you start reaching out. Your classmates are not losers. Your classmates are not dumb. Your classmates are not evil. So I will suggest this- you should care about them. You should hope they recover quickly after illness. You should pray they are safe. These people deserve kindness and attention. If you can do so **without hurting yourself,** why not try and **provide** kindness and attention?
Normal students will treat you politely for it, and worthy friends will respond- they will treat you with kindness and attention. They will, for example, help you learn more of your new language.
Show interest in other people’s interests. But I would definitely not use your ‘knowledge’ of other people, at least not at the start, and when you’re getting to know someone and they tell you something you overheard already before you started talking to people pretend it’s the first time you’re hearing it. THEN you can impress them with your ‘awesome memory’.