In love, but sexually frustrated

In a relationship for 11 years now, have a child together

Sex was amazing the first few years but is dead since the last 3-4 years.

I have many times talked to him about it, he understands and apologises and would say something like, “I am sorry I have low libido, it’s also because of all the financial stresses and responsibilities”. Says he will work on it, but doesn’t.

I help him greatly bringing money to the table, do cooking, laundry, making the child study, cleaning, managing the house. He also helps a lot. He has his own set of responsibilities and he does them well.

We are both responsible that way.

But when it comes to intimacy, he is all words and no action.

I praise him, tell him everyday he looks sexy and that I am lucky to have him. He says the same. But funnily enough, there is no intimacy.

It’s me who initiates hugs, it’s me who suggests cuddling. It’s me who constantly tells him I want him. It’s me who is flirting or talking dirty.

He would spank me once or twice in 2-3 weeks. That’s the maximum intimacy I get from him. Sex is down to once in 2-3 months. I can’t even remember when was the last time. Mostly it’s short lived now.

I have actually started to dislike any touch from him because I know it will lead to nothing. Ever.

Whenever he walks past me or sometimes spanks me for fun, it turns me on a lot and I want him like crazy but nothing!

I have been rejected many times by him after I initiated sex so I don’t feel comfortable doing so anymore. He would mostly say that he was tired or hungry or has some sort of muscle pain or whatever. There’s always an excuse.

I have also stopped flirting or talking dirty. I feel he is repulsed by me or something and I don’t look good doing so. So I have stopped. If I ever said something dirty, he would just giggle/ laugh, as if I told some joke. There is no flirtatious response ever.

I crave for the way he would look at me when we had just met.

I don’t even feel comfortable changing my clothes around him. I have started to develop really low self esteem and it’s getting worse. It’s affecting my weight, my skin, my hair. I am depressed. I am miserable because my husband doesn’t want me. I feel extremely sexually frustrated and stuck.

I can’t ever imagine cheating on him or putting my child through the pain of a broken family.

The most painful thing is he doesn’t think lack of intimacy is a big deal.

If I made him read all this right now, he would probably tell me that I am having a pity party or would probably make another excuse about how he is financially stressed or how he is tired. We are doing fine financially. Yes we see ups and downs in our business but that’s our normal since beginning.

Lack of sex is driving me insane. I literally cry everytime I use vibrator. I am disgusted by myself and hate myself for being so undesirable. I hate the person I am becoming. I have now stopped taking care of myself and I force myself to stay away from him as much as possible.

It just hurts so much that the person you love doesn’t want to be intimate with you.

I don’t know what to do anymore about this.