Hello r/marriage ,
Just like the title states. I hate it coming down to this, but I guess I have little patience or.. who knows? Maybe I just figured nothing would change anyways.
A bit of background, I (30F) have been married to my husband (28M) for 5 months, roughly. Known each other for 7 years. LDR turned marriage via K-1 visa. He speaks fluent English and went to university back home.
He’s an engineer by profession, but lately we have had issues where I am unsure where our lives are headed; we can’t seem to communicate and are unable to make a plan for the next step in our lives, it seems.
He hasn’t really been looking for a job, at least I’m not sure if he has, and I don’t know if i should be looking to head back to school nearby or far away if he does end up getting a job a few counties over… There is just no plan whatsoever. He doesn’t tell me what he has been doing, or if he needs help. He says he can’t find a job.. I thought engineers were needed here. Am i wrong to assume that?
I work a 8-5, I don’t know how to help him or what to do. Whether to offer to look at his resume or.. i just don’t know. What can I do? I tried talking to him about it twice, and he just shuts down. He doesn’t let it go past my inquiries, and he says little about it.
I just feel really confused.
6 comments
Shutting down like that is called Stonewalling which is one of the 4 Horsemen of fighting and its not good.
If you don’t trust then just ask him for proof that he is applying for jobs. Does your husband have past issues or traumas from relationships or parents or as a child? This might be a reason he can’t launch.
If you can afford it then I would recommend therapy for him/relationship because there is clearly something broken and he is hidden himself behind an emotional wall.
My brother’s electrical engineering degree has served him by getting him a job as maintenance technician in the auto industry.
Being an engineer ain’t what it used to be.
There’s much more to getting a job than just plopping down a degree. I’m a chemical engineer by training.
Reading that it was long distance, you didn’t live in close proximity for any amount of time; much less together so you’re finding out who he is and what he’s like only now.
And we on the internet wonder, did he use you to get the visa? Does he use you to fund a comfortable lifestyle for him? What is he keeping from you? What does he do all day?
He doesn’t have to tell you what he is doing and he doesn’t need help because he is a grown man.
What kind of engineer? Depending on the type there could be plenty of no demand.
Do you all have a nest egg for extended unemployment?
If there is significant wealth there may not be a need to rush to take any job
I’ve been shocked to hear some folks make $500k per year and have millions saved up. No job no big deal to some.
How long has he been in the US? 5 – 8 months? So, you fulfilled the requirement to marry within the 90 day window and now have been married 5 months? Has he received his resident alien card? Does he have certified copies of his diploma or transcript(s)? Some employers, especially government organizations will require a certificate of equivalency for his education qualification.