I’m about to hang out with a large group of in-laws for a week and I am anticipating that I will be asked what my plans are for going back to work. Currently I’m a stay at home mom to a 3 year old and all of the other mothers I’ll be with went back to work within a year after having their kids. I’m in that awkward phase of life where I’m trying to figure out what to do when I grow up. I can’t go back to what I did before (contract pilot away from home 25 weeks a year). I don’t have any other marketable skills and I’m considering grad school for a speech language pathology degree. The thing is, I’m not 100% committed to this path and I’d prefer not to talk about it until I am certain but I feel like if I try to be vague and evade the question I sound rude or flaky.
What’s a socially smooth and polite way avoid or deflect the question?
5 comments
I am currently trying to nail that down. If you were going to change careers what would you want to do? Then keep redirecting the conversation to what ever they say.
In all fairness you don’t owe anybody an explanation, but I completely understand the awkwardness of not wanting to come off as defensive either. This is just a matter of boundaries – if they respect yours then they won’t pry, but if they don’t then I would be ready to establish them.
People don’t like when you establish boundaries and the rules change, and in my personal opinion that’s just tough shit for them.
When the subject comes up, slow it down. You could be vague and try changing the subject. Tell them you have things in the works and be firm about it in your body language. Make it clear that this is something you do not wish to discuss any further. *Unmoved* is the word I’m looking for.
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this. Let’s discuss something else.” If they continue to push the boundary, walk away. That’s on them.
Editing to add I’m so sorry I didn’t read past your title. I would say “I’m exploring some options.” Leave it at that.
I tend to keep things close to the best irl and don’t care to share my plans with many. They don’t need to know. Keeping it vague adds mystery and gets you off the hook.
I like giving simple no committal answers and trying to redirect the conversation.
“I am still deciding what I am going to do next, how’ve you and the kids been?”
“You know, that’s a big decision that’s been on my mind. I am taking more time to decide but that you for checking in. How have you been?”
“I appreciate you checking in, I can’t really give you more information and would love to hear more about how you’re doing right now. What do you have planned for the holidays?”
99% if people will take the first hint and let it go. People don’t think about your life choices as much as you do. If they don’t, you’re completely within your right to nope out of the conversation with a “I’m about to grab a soda, can I get you anything?” Even if it’s mid-sentence, a smile is enough, they will forget it and shouldn’t be offended.
I recently had a funny experience with the 1% of people who can’t take a hint and honestly, it was okay. They ended up asking me the same question in 4 different ways (noticing I was evading) and I said “wow, you’re really interested in this topic. Y’know, I don’t think I really have a deeper answer for you right now.” and they dropped it.
My son is 8 next month and I still haven’t gone back to work. I just tell them I have no intention to right now, and I enjoy being a stay at home mom. I think I know where I want to work and what I want to do when the time comes, but right now this works for us.
Yes, I get a lot of judgement, but it’s working for us, so I don’t get why it’s anyone else’s business.