Im 17(M) and my girlfriend is 15(F) and we have a very toxic relationship . There’s never been any reason to not trust her but I let my overthinking get the best to me especially when she lies about dumb things sometimes . I know trust is the basis of every relationship but I just have to know what she’s doing and stalking her every move . I made her join a life 360 with me so I could see where she’s at . I get mad when she doesn’t respond to me right away or makes a joke about something I don’t like . I feel like she doesn’t respect my boundaries sometimes but I feel like sometimes I can be too much .
We’ve been together for 6 months and we’ve had about 5 fights about accusing her of cheating when I know she wasn’t . I even got to the point where I threatened her to show her mom a video of her giving me a blow job because I was mad in the moment .I get mad when she wears low cut shirts bc she has big ones. I even had her passwords to insta and snap at one point . I feel crazy sometimes . I’ve had a sit down talk with her parents telling me to be secure in the relationship because they say she only loves me . I just get anxious no matter how good things are going and I can’t stop these feelings of distrust and anxiousness.
TLDR; I need help or suggestions to make myself hold back from being possessive
16 comments
I hope this is fake. You’re a sick individual.
You’re abusive, OP, not “possessive.” You are emotionally abusing your gf. “We” don’t have a toxic relationship — *you* are a toxic person. She probably lies about “dumb things” to keep you off her back? You need therapy — can you access that?
Break up with her to start with, nobody deserves to be abused while you work out your own issues.
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And then work with a therapist on your issues.
You need to talk to a trusted adult about this and see if they can help you set up an appointment with a therapist.
Regardless of the cause, this kind of behavior isn’t acceptable, and it’s not healthy for either of you. Anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and distorted thinking can all be addressed with therapy (things like dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy can both be extremely helpful with this). You’re not going to be able to will yourself out of this way of thinking or acting, you have to learn skills to help you do that.
You should also break up with your girlfriend; it sounds like you’re not capable of treating her with the respect she deserves right now, and unless and until you are, this is not fair to her.
Check out my post history, I literally just made a post that was somewhat controversial about people’s false selves and the dysfunction that it leads to. You are currently a very literal instance of such.
I’m not going to shit on you, cause you’re about to get downvoted to oblivion and others are going to do that for me. I’ll try and give you some functional advice as best I can, but this level of bullshit is probably deep-seated and will take more than I can offer to get over it:
-Know that your behaviours are a sign of deep weakness and insecurity. It isn’t powerful to have to abuse to have control over someone, the most powerful people simply live their own lives, make positive bids towards other individuals, try to resolve difficulties, and call it quits when things get toxic and dysfunctional.
-Your girlfriend lying to you isn’t great, but if she’s doing so out of fear of your behaviours, it’s very rational and justified. Her fear of what you may do to her is what is producing her lies. To get her to stop, *you* need to stop.
-You two are in a codependent relationship at this point, which is where the relationship becomes dysfunctional and you each do shitty behaviours to keep the relationship afloat when really, you should just go your separate ways. Obviously, I’d say your actions are worse here than hers, but if you have a dynamic set up, it can be *incredibly* difficult to get out of that rut. Honestly, I think that you two should probably take a break (at least) and let things peter out. If you decide to re-engage with each other, you can do so with a new dynamic in place.
-Accept the fact that you may not be capable of a healthy or genuine relationship at this time with *any* person. The severity of the abuse you outline and the pace at which you escalated to it is a sign of something within *you* that needs to be sorted out. Until you can manage yourself, you’ll never be able to manage anyone else.
-Try accountability exercises. Tell someone who you actually know, care about, and who wouldn’t approve of your actions. As shameful and painful as this will be, having that shame and pain on you will help hold you accountable and prevent you from doing it again. You *should* be sufficiently motivated by the desire to not cause pain to the person in front of you, but, I do get it, I have a diagnosis myself on the cluster B spectrum and there are moments in my life that I’m not proud of either. I use that shame and pain to hold myself accountable in the present and future and as a means of cultivating deeper empathy.
Those are a handful of suggestions, I’ll throw in more if I think of any later.
You’re 17 and she’s 15. Neither of you is mature enough yet. If you don’t end this relationship now and give yourself time to grow and develop as a person, we’ll see you in the news for one reason or another and we don’t want worst case scenario. You will never have a healthy relationship with anyone if you don’t work on yourself first. If you fail to grow as an individual, your only partner will soon be a blow up doll.
You’re a shithead. Break up with her before you ruin her life any further.
You are absolutely going to murder a girlfriend
You’re in possession of child porn and just admitted to it on the internet
Cut her loose. She deserves better.
Yea u are a abuser and a narcissistic manipulator . Ik both of y’all are young, but news flash on ur next bday u better delete all them “pics” and “videos” u have of her. Also seek help .
If you truly want help, I suggest you go to a trusted parent/teacher/guidance counselor and share that you need help and therapy. There are free resources out there that adults can help you find. I don’t want to insult you or degrade you – you seem to know what you’ve done is wrong and fucked up. Words are worth human shit if you don’t back them up with actions. As others have said, you should end this relationship- you are harming her by staying in it. You’re only 17- you have the rest of your life to figure this stuff out (love). Remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Take steps to change now.
Children should not try to be in a relationship. Nothing good can come from that, just damage.
Be single for 10 years and when you will get your life properly together, find a nice girl and behave as a good man.
I’m going to treat this post like it’s real, because I have known young men like this. You need real and serious help. You are a danger to your girlfriend or any future romantic partners unless you get help.
The things you are doing are not okay at all. They are abuse. Tracking your girlfriend is abusive. Accusing her of cheating when you know she isn’t is abuse. Threatening her with recorded sex acts is abuse, and is actually breaking several laws. You will be in serious trouble if you ever expose sexual content of her- even possessing it is a crime. Delete any compromising material you have of her immediately, because you cannot be trusted with it.
Your anxiety is not an excuse to hurt this girl. Which is what you’re doing- you are knowingly hurting her. You are exercising control over her. And despite what you said, that you’d never lay hands on her and never have- if you don’t get real, qualified help, your behavior will continue to escalate, and you will physically hurt her or a future partner.
Break up with her. Block her number. Block her social media. Delete any old pictures or messages. Do not get back together with her, and do not get into a new relationship. Tell a trusted adult what you have been doing, and get help.
She probably lies about “dumb things” because of how you react to her being honest.
This isn’t a toxic relationship as much as it *you* who are toxic.
I really hope she gets tf away from you immediately.
No yea something is very wrong here. From what I’m reading, I suspect that you fear loneliness. Like… the presence of another human being in your life gives you a meaning/ purpose if you know what I’m trying to say… Like something you need in your life but you’re not sure how to make sure it stays in your life.
Then again, this is what I’m assuming, don’t take it to heart. Other than that, you should probably break up with her for now. The bright side is that you are aware of your actions so maybe after trying to fix them, you can get back together. I know. I know. Sounds very generic but I would just sometimes stop and just question myself; why? Or what purpose does this serve? Or How would people see me as?
Also you both seem very young so I wait until you both know what you are doing exactly. I personally look for long term relations and try to understand what I want from it. So ask yourself and your gf, what do you want? Is it the pleasure? The attention? The human interactions? Would this even last? How do others perceive this? Is this cool? How does this affect what I do? Is it a liability or a motivator? How does my SO’s presence help me or rather how does it affect me in your case.