Hello, apologize for English is my third language. I really need advice on this as we only have till the end of the month to give his boss an answer (his boss did give us 3 months to think about it and now the deadline is coming up), and I just can’t seem to decide.
Husband \[M38\], he has work in his job field since he was 23 (he 38 now) so he has 15 years of experience in his job field, and he has seniority as his job. His boss give him a promotion, which will required us to move 3.5 hours drive away as there where the Chemical Plant is.
I’m a housewife (I haven’t work since married, and we married a long time), I never wanted children (we are childless), and both of my parents passed away, I don’t have any family here (except my grandma back in my homeland), so I can move with my husband anywhere if he takes this promotion. I’m \[F38\], and we lives in the U.S.
I always wanted him to retire early, he knows this and want to fulfill this wish of mine so I can be happy. Take this promotion means higher position and higher pay, and we can faster fulfill the wish of mine of him retire early. He leave the choice up to me, he said where I am that where his home is, I move he move, I stay he stay.
I’m on the fence because deep down I don’t want to move. He is debt-free (we both are), he very responsible with money. No mortgage (he paid the house in cash with his savings), not a big house or anything but a 1,700 square feet house which I find big enough for a childless couple. Cars are paid off in cash too. No credit cards debt. No student loans debt. He makes 130K a year take home (that is after taxes), we live comfy with his income, I’m very frugal.
So it not like we starving or need that promotion. I like where we live, the city, I like the neighborhood here, the house he bought was just back in 2019 and it was newly build when he bought it, we are the first owner of this house. The house is still new. No, I don’t want to sale it. But then if we take the promotion and move, this house we just let his mom live in.
His jobs will pay for the place we live in if he takes the promotion and move. Yes, I did visit the new location of his job, and honestly I don’t like it at all, I don’t like the area, the neighborhood, it far from the city, and I feel like it a downgrade compared to our current location. Ugh.. just visit there I got bitten by mosquitoes and bugs everywhere. Mosquitoes must love my B blood (as my husband is O blood and he didn’t get bitten, lol).
I honestly not want to move, we are not starving, we really don’t need this promotion. My husband has no preference he leave it up to me, as he knows how important I am on want him to retire early, so this promotion (with higher pay) is a way of fulfill my what I want faster.
tl;dr I really don’t want to move. But then half of me not want to hinder his career. He said he is happy with his jobs with his 130K a year take home pay, and be debt-free. He not want this promotion. But he tell his boss he thinks about it, as he knows it pays more and my goal of him retire early can come faster.
We have o give his boss a decision by the end of this month and I’m stress out as heck, very stress, I just can’t seem to decide.
What would you do if you were me or in my situation?
Thank you so much for your advice.
eta: I want him to retire early so we can go to my hometown (China) to live, I like USA but I don’t want to live here till old age or die here.
7 comments
What is the actual plan/impetus to encourage your husband to retire early? What are the plans the two of you have for after his retirement? How much faster would this promotion accelerate that timeline? Are there other ways you could accomplish that without leaving an area you like? Like if the plan is to make money and then move to a little place in the South of France and run a B&B, then maybe that’s worth living in a place you enjoy less to get to your dream sooner. If the plan is to sort of do what you’re doing now but your husband just isn’t working then it probably doesn’t make much sense to move up the timeline and relocate.
Just tell him your honest opinion, you don’t want to move for this promotion.
I think moving would be a mistake if you guys have already established a community where you are.
I guess what it boils down to is whether you’re ok with him putting off his retirement for a few more years.
Not accepting this promotion, though, could screw up any other possibilities for advancement, so keep that in mind as well.
I think you have both already decided, and it is the same decision I would make in your position.
You would be unhappy, he is satisfied with his current job, and you are in a financial position where you do not *need* the promotion.
If your husband has been offered this chance, then it is likely that other opportunities will come that can make you both happy.
Unless there is a cultural consideration that means turning down this job would result in him never receiving another opportunity at promotion, it seems an easy choice to turn this offer down. Even if that is the case, you still have to weigh the quality of life gained by retiring a few years early against the quality of life lost in the years between now and when he does retire.
Ever thought of staying but getting a job to help you both retire early?
No, he shouldn’t take a job that requires so much sacrifice that he doesn’t want so you can be less bored sooner.