I’m 27F. Haven’t really been dating in years. Been casually seeing this guy, last night we hooked up
I didn’t really want to do it. I mean I wanted to but a little voice inside told me not to, but I did it anyways. I WANTED to want to, if that makes sense?
We didn’t go for long. It was painful and uncomfortable for me so we stopped. I then spent the whole night wide awake feeling like, oh man, I just need to tell this guy we have to be friends. He’s great and all but I feel like that chemistry just isn’t there.
But I was too scared to say anything. I don’t really know how to bring it up now. I feel really embarrassed and like I betrayed myself by hooking up with him. He was really great about everything and non judgemental but idk. I think I know what I have to do but I’m afraid of how to approach it?
ETA: I thought it would be nice to have a FWB thing if “dating” didn’t really work out, but last night I sort of learned it just doesn’t work like that for me. Do I approach this in a message? Wait to see him face to face????
12 comments
The Eskimo term for sex directly translates to “laughing time “.
Stop beating yourself up. Shit happens. Sex is weird.
Chill out.
25M here. Stop beating yourself up, there’s nothing shameful about you partaking in casual sex. If it was painful and uncomfortable it means you weren’t properly aroused or into it. Now I don’t know the specifics of how your sex went down, but for me, I generally don’t bother sticking my dick in a girl unless we’ve done at least a solid makeout session and she’s already wet. Foreplay foreplay foreplay is so important and I know a lot of dudes neglect it
Some people just cannot get aroused by someone unless they feel exclusive and committed with them, there’s nothing wrong with that. I would just let him know that you tried but aren’t really a fan of casual sex and are looking for something more serious with someone.
Just tell him you don’t feel a connection ❤️ and definitely don’t hate on yourself we all make unusual decisions sometimes 🤷♀️
Ghost him. It happens to me a lot. That should be a hint
Without exchanging words.
could you identify that little voice that told you not to hook up with him? when you actually did it, you betrayed that part of you. maybe stop sleeping with guys you’re not into? you mentioned yourself chemistry wasn’t there.
this is not a “you” problem. it’s the compatibility. do yourself a favour and only be with people you’re actually attracted to. so they have to be great like you described this guy AND be attractive from your standpoint.
i want to like lots of things but i accept i only like some things.
I think you probably need to have a face to face and just explain to him tgat although you thought it would be fun you found it hard to get into because you really only see him as a friend. I know he will feel friend zoned etc. but you have to be as honest as possible without being hurtful.
But if you’re not feeling it then you’re not feeling it you know. I get that occasionally we all get led by our carnal desires….. nothing wrong with that!!! Lol
Tell him exactly what you just asked us.
“I’m not really feeling a romantic connection and last night I thought maybe I wanted to try the FWB thing maybe, but I’m realizing it’s not for me.”
Honestly don’t get to hung up on it. Sometimes you want there to be sexual chemistry and romantic attraction because they’re a nice person and good on paper, but it just isn’t there.
Tell him (by text or phone or in person – whatever you feel most comfortable with) that you think he’s great but just aren’t getting the right romantic vibe so would rather be mates, if he’s open to that.
It’s scary and feels easier to just avoid the topic and potential awkwardness, but honestly I’ve had a 99.9% positive response when I’ve sent messages like this in the past. Most guys would rather be told straight than left wondering whether you’re feeling it or not.
I finally hooked up with someone I had a crush on for two years. It was disappointing at first. Then we talked, I told him how freaked out I was and he actually tries his best to make me feel comfortable. We hooked up and some of it was hot and heavy, and some of it was awkward and like “wow this ain’t working” and we moved on.
I understand how you feel. It is ok. It sounds like you’re way over thinking this.
Just be honest with him. A lot of times you don’t know if there’s chemistry until you’ve been intimate with a person. Don’t feel bad about exploring something and it not working out. I am sure that most of us have had that happen at some point in our lives. If he’s a decent guy, he will understand.
Sounds like you need to find a guy that understands foreplay and how to get a girl wet first. Either that or talk to him and try seeing if you can teach him
From what I see, you both didn’t talk this out before hand. Spontaneous sex really only works after you’ve been together for a while.
Sex is all about communication from beginning to end. You NEED to talk about what you want. What you want to wear, what you want to feel, what positions, foreplay, aftercare and the whole shebang.
Any one can tell you just jumping right in will lead to disaster. In the future, aim to talk about it more. It may be uncomfortable, and awkward, but it will make your sex life all the better.
You may not be fully in a kink life or lifestyle, but their tactics for getting to know one another and talking boundaries are universal for everyone!
I hope this helps.