When my ex-boyfriend (27M) and I (21F) were together, he had suggested us to go shopping for clothes for a work event (it was business-causal) at his workplace that we were both attending. So we go to two stores for this.

At the first store, he wants to pick out clothes for me and I let him. However, he was choosing clothes for me that were clothes I would not wear at all (he was choosing 2012 Taylor Swift and grandma-eqse clothes), so I kept saying no to his suggestions and I ended up choosing the clothes that I liked and that would also work for the work event.

At the second store, we were having a discussion about uptight people. I asked him if he thought I was uptight, to which he said, “No, you’re pretty easy-going but when we were at the the other store and you kept saying no to my suggestions, I thought oh fuck off”. When he said the “oh fuck off” part, I got really upset because I was thinking he was really mad at me over that and asked him if he really meant “oh fuck off”. He started profusely apologizing to me and told me that he meant it like oh come on and asked me if I was a sensitive person.

In the car, we ended up having a discussion about it. I told him that was really hurtful of him to say “oh fuck off” and that if he means oh come on, he should say that. He tells me that he won’t do that again. He then tells me that I was being too close-minded over his suggestions, to which I said I know what I like for clothes and I just didn’t like the clothes he was choosing for me, but he kept insisting that I was being too close-minded.

I’ve been thinking about it and I wonder, was I being too sensitive and close-minded in that situation?

10 comments

  1. no you weren’t. you don’t have to wear anything you don’t like. he was trying to turn it around on you and make you doubt yourself and it worked.

  2. Lol, so you let him pick clothes for you, but didn’t let him pick clothes for you. Maybe he thought you looked nice, and when you said you didn’t like his style of choice he was mildly hurt.

  3. I don’t think you were being close minded. My boyfriend LOVES taking me shopping and buying clothes for me and being the one to pick them out. He’s actually really good at picking things out for me, sometimes he’s better picking out things for me than I am at picking up things for myself lol. However, he knows I have full veto power, and if he starts picking out things that aren’t my taste, or that I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing. I’m going to tell him no and he’s perfectly OK with that.

    Ultimately, YOU are the one wearing the clothes, so you have to at least like them.

    I also would have side-eyed the “oh F off” comment, so I can’t say I think you were being overly sensitive.

  4. Wear whatever, but you were being too sensitive over the “oh fuck off” comment. He was probably getting annoyed that you were striking down all of his suggestions and it came out in some slight crudeness which he immediately apologized for when you didn’t take it in a lighthearted way. OP, it’s such a minor comment, I don’t know if I’d even remember it a minute later.

  5. You asked him if thought you were being up tight and then didn’t like the response. Not only that, you were coincidentally having a conversation about uptight people which led to you asking that question. You absolutely baited that from him because you already knew that he felt you were being uptight, you knew you were acting that way, or both.

    Yeah you’re being too sensitive. I doubt his ‘oh fuck off’ isn’t something that’s out of character for him, that’s probably the way he expresses himself and you should know that. You kept saying no but you didn’t mention anything about saying why you didn’t like them, or trying to steer his choices towards something more your style.

    You thought he was super mad at you and he felt he had to profusely apologize to you, but then turns around and criticizes you repeatedly. You both sound like your co-dependent and toxic as all hell. No wonder these issues are coming up.

  7. >was I being too sensitive and close-minded in that situation

    Not at all.

    Most men don’t really care about clothes for themselves, but for women this is a major thing. They have a lot invested in their appearance, and clothing is a large part of that.

    Therefore, it’s not surprising that you would have strong opinions on what you choose to dress your body in. You like what you like, and don’t like what you don’t like; it doesn’t have to make sense to anybody else, does not have to be justified or propped up by any number of reasons.

    It just is.

    So you get the final word on what you wear. Your boyfriend may have his thoughts and suggestions, but the final decision is yours.

  8. Wasn’t this posted a week ago or so, this sounds really familiar but I’m most likely wrong. But the fuck off was probably more reactionary, I doubt he had malicious intent behind the fuck off. Maybe he felt a little hurt that you didn’t like his taste, idk. But at the end of the day you like what you like. I refuse to go close shopping with my gf, she traumatized me spending 15 hours in a store once doing her coupon thing.

  9. I was going to say this guy seems like an ass and he shouldn’t be trying to control what you wear. But you’ve already broken up with him so nvm lol.

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