Usual caveats about being on mobile. Also this is a secondary account as people know my main.
I’m aware that there are a lot bigger problems for couples to have, especially on here, but this is definitely bothering me…perhaps more than it should. I’ve been dieting for about 2 months now for a lot of reasons. Mainly, I’m overweight and it’s for my health, fertility, and also just for my wallet in general. I’ve had a lot of problems in the past with weight loss, but after lab work and multiple doctor’s appointments, I’m finally on medication that’s supposed to level out my thyroid. Since then, I’ve been making a lot of great progress on the scale.
My fiancé is overweight as well. I’m not bothered by this. I think he’s handsome. However, he is bothered by this and has complained about certain aspects of his body before. He agreed to join me on the diet in solidarity and also because he’s wanting to lose weight as well. He’s actually lost a little weight since we’ve started and I’ve told him that I’m proud of him and have tried my best to be encouraging throughout all of this. But I was also clear at the start that he didn’t have to join me on the diet—so long as he didn’t encourage me to go off the diet or to cheat or whathaveyou. And to his credit, he has not done any of that.
Today, he asked me if I had remembered to buy something, which led me to look at our purchase history; I saw that he’s been eating poorly during lunchtime pretty much the entire two months. I’ve asked him multiple times throughout all of this how things have been going, and he always says that they’re good and has told me some of the diet friendly foods he’s been eating. And while he does occasionally eat those, by and large, he has mostly been eating pastries and desserts. We were texting, so I casually asked him what he’s eaten today, and he lied and said he had eaten something diet friendly.
I’m not bothered that he’s cheating on the diet. I don’t care about that. I’m bothered that he’s repeatedly lied to me. And yes, they are white lies. I know it’s pretty common for people to lie about things like that and food struggles can be a pain, but I hate being lied to. And it would be one thing if he lied just today, or just once or twice, but it’s basically been this entire time. I don’t want to bring it up and make a huge deal about it, especially because he might have some shame tied to this, but I’m definitely bothered that he’s been lying to me.
How can I approach this tactfully? Or should I even approach this at all? Is it even worth approaching? Like I said, he doesn’t encourage me to go off my diet, so it technically doesn’t effect me.
2 comments
I’d bring it up. It sounds like you’re essentially forgiving him so I trust you can bring this up very respectfully without judgement. Kind of a “let’s nip this in the bud… I understand you might feel guilty or embarrassed or even that you’re helping me by making it seem like we are both on track but honesty is absolutely #1 priority above anything else.” I think it’s also fair to say something like “this isn’t going to turn into a big deal, it’s not something we ever need to bring up again if we squash it right now but I need you to tell me your thought process and how we can make sure it doesn’t happen again, which might lead to a loss of trust” etc
I’d just stop asking him about his diet. Let him know that you understand dieting is really hard and you know that he’s been adding in some extra treats here and there. You apologize for making him feel pressured or embarrassed or like he’s letting you down, but that it hurt your feelings that he hasn’t been honest with you. And going forward you won’t ask him about his food unless he specifically requests advice or support. Reassure him that you love him and want him to be healthy so you can have him around for the long term.