I (16f) have been speaking on and off with this guy (17M), he encourages me to communicate with him whenever I feel like there’s an issue and says he will change but there’s never a follow through in actions and it’s messing with my head.
We had a fall out in the past because we were supposed to meet each other and an issue came up and he didn’t call me at all so due to his poor communication he wasted my time, we stopped speaking and then he kept begging to get back so we had an EXTENSIVE conversation about being better at communication I give him another chance and we start to move forward with him trying to gain my trust back.
Fast forward to today, it feels like he’s trying to take the piss out of me now. We were supposed to meet up again. I asked him what time and he told me 7 and so I was ready at 7, tell me why he only just messages me asking for directions and hadn’t left his house yet. I told him to leave it he insisted he would drive the hour down. He messages me saying he’s close and then I tell him where to park. I then do not hear from this guy for another hour until he messages me asking why I didn’t pick up the phone. I tell him my phone didn’t ring and asked what the fuck he was doing. He then said he got lost because of Google maps and decided to go to his boy’s house instead. I say ‘what the fuck’ as I was literally dressed to go and he says it was my fault because I didn’t answer he’s phone.
When it’s not like this he’s pretty good, we speak every day have interesting conversations we talk about the future but none of his actions actually show me he wants us to work.
Tl;dr says he wants me but basically treats me like shit
3 comments
You really need both in a relationship – good words and good actions. My usual thing when someone agrees they are wrong and says they will change is to get details then and there. What changes specifically will they make? How will they make them? I don’t accept it unless it’s a reasonable plan. then I see if they follow through on that plan. If they do, great. If they do and it runs into some problem, we try to work out a better plan. If they say they will and they do not, then I may give them one last chance, reminding them that they failed to make the changes they said they would. If they mess up again, I assume they have no intention of changing and act accordingly, in a case like this, if he doesn’t fix it, I’d break up.
Words mean nothing, zip, zilch, zero, nada.
A person can say anything, and some do very convincingly. If their actions don’t match their words, then they’re full of it. All that happens when you accept this behavior is the other person knows you won’t do anything.
How do they know? Because you never do anything about it.
There’s a saying I’m sure you’ve heard a thousand times before. Actions speak louder than words. It’s an enduring saying for a reason.