Feminist men, how is it being friends with men who are not.

21 comments

1. We do not argue

2. You can be friends with people who have opposing views. Life would be very boring if you didn’t.

3. Sure, but in my experience, most of my non-feminist male friends simply don’t care about the issue enough to talk about it. If we’re talking politics, there are other issues that they focus on (the economy, foreign affairs, etc.).

4. I am more than happy to not talk about almost anything, but especially politics.

   But if a friend perpetually instigates arguments with me, we’re probably not going to stay friends for very long.

5. Honestly? I shouldn’t say this, but I kind of like it.

   You have to understand. All I want to be is just a decent, minimally-progressive dude who is fair about the issues facing women. Thing is, if I just talk about that stuff, I sound like a straight-up liberal douchebag. I sound like a guy who took one gender studies course and thinks he deserves to get laid over it. You ever call yourself a feminist? People groan. Women groan. Feminist women groan. No one likes it, lol. So I don’t talk about it.

   …however, if say, another guy, maybe a slightly more misogynistic guy, shows up and starts saying some sexist stuff like, “listen Mechrobioticon, you’ve gotta start dating younger girls, that way you can train em and teach them how to act” (seems crazy but I’ve had a friend word-for-word say this to me in mixed company), I kind of glance quickly at the faces of the women in the room, and, I mean, the sheer disgust on the women’s faces…

   I should be honest. In all honesty, in that moment, I am grateful for my gross sexist friend. I am grateful that he said some ridiculous shit that all I have to do is say “that’s bad” at it, and I get points for being a good dude. It’s the only way I ever get headpats for being down with feminism, lol. So I’m grateful for it.

6. I honestly don’t know any dude around me who’s openly a feminist.

7. Most of my friends are somehow feminist-ish in the sens that they are conscious of the problems of women today. I sometimes am not on the same page as them as i’m often more extrême in my views but we can talk.

   Some were just insensitive and, let’s say, douchebags with women. Those, i eventually couldn’t bare being with and i don’t see them anymore.

8. I don’t really care about what my friends think. Everyone is free to think and believe what they want

9. I don’t need friends to go out of their way to talk about feminism, but I won’t be friends with guys who seem to hate women, think feminism is evil, want a submissive wife who will let them be the head of household, etc

10. I enjoy debating with them about it.

11. Regular guy here, balanced view on equal rights and consideration for everybody. I have a friend who is proudly “feminist”, but he’s so swept up in the idea of oppressing others with his sense of social justice that I don’t really go beyond surface-ldvel conversation with him because I have no interest in any socio-political debate on the topic.

12. Feminist men, exist?!

13. Lol, which wave of feminist are we talking about. They’re not all the same.

14. Tough to answer. I don’t really really think of myself as feminist so much as just aware of the issues and morally decided on my position regarding them. If you’d asked me five or ten years ago, I would have said I was.

    These days, I’m honestly annoyed that doing what I consider ethically right somehow requires a label. As though it should be and remain outside the norm to just have some minimal awareness of the problems faced by half the population and an opinion on it. I’m not special. I don’t deserve praise or kudos or a title for giving a crap about problems I don’t personally face. That’s just being a decent human being. It should be the standard expectation for everyone.

    I came to that opinion after contemplating exactly the question above. Why was it getting under my skin that a few of the folks I associated with talked about women and expressed views about women that I didn’t agree with? Even opinions I shared twenty years ago? I came to the realization that it wasn’t about being a feminist or not. It was a difference of moral values. I was growing out of those views and my upbringing. They weren’t.

    I don’t have those friendships anymore. It’s been a long time. As I recall, I didn’t take a hard stance on it. I didn’t cut them off for “locker room” talk. I just told them I was the wrong audience for that talk and over time we just drifted apart. Because I wasn’t enjoying their company anymore and they weren’t enjoying mine anymore either. We had less and less in common.

    I have been around those since, that I thought I was forming friendships with… until they exposed sides of themselves and preclude me being able to be a good friend. Rabid misogyny. Racism. Bigotry. Have I had arguments about it? You bet. I don’t recall ever blowing up on anyone nor having to. So there’s no dramatic story to tell there.

15. Dudes don’t talk about this shit. We talk about sports, work, gym, food, movies, games etc

16. The problem here is that nobody defines “feminist”.

    I believe that men and women should be equal.. does that make me feminist?

    I, also, think that modern feminism(3rd wave) in the media is full of shit and aren’t interested in actual equality. Still feminist?

17. I’m not sure how people can become friends with someone with such difference inn values.

    The group of friends I belong to has a great sense of respect both toward women and men.

18. What’s a “feminist” man?

19. Most men I know are 1st wave feminists. Very few men I know are 3rd – 4th wave psychotic – I’m a victim – let me make up some more B.S. feminist.

20. Really depends how you define “feminist”

    I personally think that men and women should be equal in society, and I do acknowledge that there are many problems in society with how women are viewed. If a man’s being a straight up sexist fool I won’t hesitate to call him out on his BS, but at the same time I won’t automatically jump to a woman’s defense if she’s being a fool either. I’m not one of those “man always right, woman always wrong” types so some dudes would probably call me a feminist in that sense? But I don’t really identify as a feminist myself.

    I don’t think we should go back to how things were in the 1950’s, but I do agree that modern feminism has a serious problem with misandry and women who want female supremacy over equality.

21. Most feminist guys are really just looking something else from a woman. Trickery.