I’m probably going to come off as an asshole, maybe, idk. I already feel like one.
I’ve (26F) been with my boyfriend (36M – we’ll call him M) for about three years now. Since day one, we’ve spent every single night together, essentially living together almost immediately (extreme honeymoon phase I guess). We’re each other’s best friends. And we just moved into our own place together after years of flat sharing.
M is not conventionally attractive but in my eyes he’s pretty cute and his personality is wonderful, so much so that the looks didn’t matter so much for me for most of the relationship. He’s a bit chubby (always has been), doesn’t take care of himself *super* well, and doesn’t have much sense of style. It didn’t really bother me before. But now, I feel I can’t ignore it any longer.
I have sex with him because I love him and I love sex, but to be honest, I don’t think he’s making me horny anymore. The fact that it’s always slightly underwhelming doesn’t help either (I have told him countless times “I like when you do this” “could you do more of this” “it was nice when you did this”…to no avail). I still find him handsome and sweet – like I love him soooo much – but I really don’t find him sexually appealing anymore. I don’t really enjoy the sex like I used to anymore because it feels like I’m almost faking it. It really hurts to admit. And I don’t know what to do!
I know “break up” might be one of the answers I get but I just can’t imagine it. I don’t want to not be with him. He (like anyone) would be so hurt to be told his partner doesn’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore. I really don’t know what to do (if anything) about this…any advice appreciated 🙁
2 comments
It sounds like he hasn’t been listening to you and this may be happening in multiple facets of your relationship, this just happens to be the most glaring aspect at the time.
I guess you should bring up to him that you’re trying to tell him what you like in the bedroom and he’s not hearing you.
Tell him *almost* what you told us. Sex is important to you and lately you feel that it’s been suffering you would like to give him some pointers on how to treat your body. Maybe even ask if there’s anything he would like you to try? If you’re feeling extra magnanimous that day.
I do recommend leaving out the whole not sexually attracted to him, not sure you could recover from that one. But it is definitely paramount that he starts to listen and internalize what you tell him as it pertains to you, and doesn’t make sex hurt for you.
Best of luck!
It sounds like part of the reason the sexual attraction isn’t there is because the sex is lackluster, right? Would mixing it up and trying new things in bed (like kink exploration or fantasy fulfillment) help?
Also, out of curiosity: did he used to take more pride in his appearance, or has he always been like how you’ve described here?