Me (28f) and my husband (31m) have a large social circle. Of our closer friends only one other couple is married (they’re the same ages we are). The rest of our closer friend group consists of men (these were first my husband’s long time friends) and in the past couple of years nearly ALL of them have started dating younger women ( range from 33-37 dating 20-25 year olds) some of them got out of very serious relationships with women who were near their age, in one case older than them, and then suddenly they’re dating college girls…
This is me being insecure (go figure) but one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of these girls are that “manic pixie dream girl” that gets talked about, sort of “unstable” in a way, just like figuring things out, very stylish and unique…I feel like I used to be that. I used to be that younger hip pretty girl that everyone wanted to talk to. Now I’m married, have children, surrounded by these uninhibited young women who very very much desire to be in the spotlight. They’re naive and cutesy and the guys just eat it up.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with these feelings? I feel like at 28 I’m still young but just starting to realize how quickly the time goes by.
7 comments
I think this just speaks to the importance of having a friend group that is truly your peers, and not just age but life stage.
This does sound like insecurity on your part, but as a mom myself I do know how if you have kids you are probably never going to be cool anymore. It’s something you have to accept, but it doesn’t happen right away.
Part of getting older and getting married is that you sometimes outgrow your friends. You don’t have to lose them completely but maybe it’s time to limit when you all hang out. It gets to a point where you’re trying to chase a lifestyle that isn’t really you anymore.
How does your husband feel about these friends?
That’s a good point. What does your husband say? How does he act when. Your all together?
The other thing, these men who are your peers or similar age dating very young girls can’t be too serious about them and maybe they seek younger girls because they cannot handle a woman their age. There’s a big difference between a person (man or woman ) age 22 and 32. Perhaps these guys they are immature?
You’re 28. You’re very young. I give major side-eye to a 30 year old dating a 20 year old in that it says more about them than you, but w/e—most 20 year olds are still figuring it out; one day they will be 28 glad that some of that struggle of finding yourself at 22 is over. You’re fine & you’re doing great. Maybe find some girlfriends in that same stage of life that you are.
I just turned twenty four myself and I would be concerned if one of my friends was dating a man in his late thirties. To me that sounds like someone who is possibly going to abuse the difference in power and life experience.
Certainly there are instances where this isn’t the case, but it sounds like from your description these men are choosing the least mature women of my generation.
I’m saying this as a man. Men usually are not as mature as women. So totally probable they are dating women that most closely match their maturity level.
As a gay man if I were was in the dating world I’d not want to date men younger than me. Especially because I feel like gay men tend to be more immature sometimes but that’s also due to what being gay does to you. If you don’t really truly embrace your own skin until your mid to late twenties you want to make up for lost time.
As long as it’s between consenting adults, it’s really not any of your business. People can date who they want. And honestly a 10 year gap isn’t disgusting. A 20-30 year gap is probably where my eye brows raise but again grown adults are free to do what they want.
IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR SEX ONLY.
You are also married so why do you care? Why is their decision impacting how you feel about yourself?
I wouldn’t want to hang around with people who don’t date within their peer group. These guys are preying on young women because of their inexperience, and frankly, that’s pretty icky. Maybe find people who aren’t going through mid life crises to hang out with?
Also btw, you’re not some old hag just because you’re a mom lol you’re still young and having kids doesn’t change that. Don’t compare yourselves to the young girls your friends are using and manipulating. Also maybe have a little higher standards regarding the kind of people you spend your time with.
Is there still room in this friend circle? Asking for a friend.