So this is a question mostly for r/askgaybro but hey, men are men.
“So yesterday, I went to a gay club, and it was fun. However, I felt, lonely. I wasn’t solo, I went out with my friends however, I couldn’t get rid the feeling of solitude.
I felt, out of place. Obviously I was probably one of the “oldest group” ages (23) when the intended demographic is 18-19. It didn’t help that I was, perhaps the only guy with beard. Some guys went to an elevated cage and startes dancing. And then they went shirtless. I would love to go up there and dance too but I would quickly get hot and need to remove my shirt. However, my body, I like it, it is my type. It’s not toned. I don’t have much of a muscle. I’m not fat by any means, but I have a bit of a belly. Im also hairy.
Whoever went shirtless was fit and hairless. Obviously no one is gatekeeping me. But, I feel a barrier that prohibits me. I don’t like it. Maybe it’s me, I’m in a weird limbo after all. I want attention. But at the same time, I don’t want to draw attention. Or maybe I’m afraid of negative feedback. Perhaps that’s why I’m jealous of their bodies.
Bodies that naturally draw attention and are naturally viewed positively. I always thought that being skinny fat, was the most common body type. However, among gay men, being fit to skinny seems the most common. It could be the specific gay club that attracts this body type. I just felt invisible.
I don’t know how to approach people in clubs. Too loud music, you can barely move around. As such, I tried emulating what a friend of mines does. Stay on the look out and when you find someone that you like, gaze them to see a reaction. If they are intended they will gaze back, or something like that.
I tried, I looked around and found a couple or so. None really showed any interest. Either I was none’s type or I went unnoticeable. Which would further explain why Im jealous of toned bodies, it’s impossible to go unnoticeable with such a body. It stands out.
I know that I can workout my problem (literally) but my work makes that really really difficult. The other option, is basically the title, to stop being jealous. But I don’t know how. I’m trying to be grateful and it works. I’m trying to not compare myself with other and it’s not going well considering the last night. ”
So, how do I stop being jealous of others bodies?
4 comments
Those are a lot of words but I hope it works out for you
You’re overthinking everything. You need to focus on getting more comfortable with yourself. If you feel you’d like to be in better shape, do it. I’m not gay but the gay community in general is very welcoming. You just need to relax.
How do you stop? Thats kinda tough. You need to look inward, figure out what it is youre not confident about, and either change that or change your outlook on it. Its not the kind of thing you just decide either, it takes time and actual work to accept yourself as you are.
But you can do it, not to mention theres a whole subset of the gay community into bigger, hairy dudes.
And when youre at the club, dont do what your friend is doing. Thats not what you want to do if you arent already being persued by people. Dance and have fun, someone having a good time is way more approachable then someone just standing around scoping the place.
TLDR, most of us here have ZERO experience with this.