I (39F) briefly dated a man (41M) this summer. It started off amazingly, the intellectual and physical chemistry was perfect and we had great dates together and had the same relationship goals. I honestly never felt so sure that a man was “the one” until I met him. However he wasn’t the best at communicating and I have an anxious attachment style so after 2 months it ended as my increased frustration around lack of communication and planning dates made him feel oppressed.
6 weeks after the breakup we met as I had asked for closure. He cooked lunch at his place. We talked about what happened, what we thought went wrong, and acknowledged our mistakes.
We didn’t talk about getting back together but at some point when he felt I was feeling uncomfortable in silence he hugged me and this lasted for 1.5 hours standing up where we just cuddled, kissed each other’s face and smelled each other without talking. We did not kiss though, despite the obvious sexual tension.
He gave me a book on how to find true love through self-love… it was a little gut wrenching but also a thoughtful attention.
Is there a chance he still has feelings and just needs time to think about it?
3 comments
i believe if he wanted more he would make it known. a man WILL claim you if you are the person he wants.
don’t blame yourself or think back on what you could’ve said or done to change his mind (if you are). sometimes moving on is the best way to help yourself and also help the person who’s meant for you to find you.
If he gave you a self-love book. Yall done. A man that loves himself is not going to tolerate a women that does not love herself equally.
You need to move on.
You were not together very long and in that time he managed to feel “oppressed.” You saw each other for closure and did nothing that would solve that problem or address your unmet needs. And he concluded with a parting gift that clearly (and in my opinion rudely) expressed that he thinks you need to work on yourself. I mean, everyone needs to do inner work, and continue growing throughout their lifetime, but an ex giving you a book on how to do it is just some next level arrogance. By all means work on yourself but you decide what needs fixing and how to fix it.