He 38M never bring it up in front of me after we married. He want to have kid but I don’t really. He just think go with the flow but I am 42 now and also a cancer survivor. I don’t think he think of my situation and it have been made me insecure about it. He known I am uncomfortable talking about our past because it only cause unhappiness and jealous. We only together a year and I don’t think we are comfortable enough yet to talk about past relationship and it’s not necessary and do any good for our current relationship.
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Why are you uncomfortable talking about past? It helped shape each of you into who you are today?
If you’re not ready to talk about the past, and you can’t talk about what you feel now, I hope you spend time together talking about your future plans. Otherwise, you have nothing to discuss. It’s possible you may have rushed into this marriage a little too soon. Go see a couples counselor and work on your communication skills. Good luck.
Why did you get married?
Him saying that is way of giving you a brick from his emotional wall that keeps you from coming together. Yeah it hurts for you but its not his way of saying he wants kids right now but just telling you something that has been on his heart and that he was wanting you to be aware and connected better to him.
I really think you two need marriage counseling and since you honest about jealousy and your conditional happiness then I think individual therapy could help you out a lot.
I don’t know if you enjoy a good read but I would highly recommend to any couple John Gottman’s 7 Ways to Make Marriage Work. It talks about the emotional walls we build up between each other in relationships and life because of pain or rejections of others and in a relationship we should lower our walls by giving bricks of our wall to our partner. When you can be more who you are with each other the deeper your relationship will be.
I hope you get some help.
Seems like he was maybe looking for support and you made it about you?
He’s looking for emotional support from his wife, I think. This is normal and healthy, in most contexts. My adoptive mother adopted me because she was forced to have an abortion at 16. She knew it was a girl. She adopted me at 13 because that was around the age her unborn would have been. She ended up saving my life because I was being starved and psychologically abused.
I’m not saying that you all need to go off and adopt an 8 year old (however, there are so many older kids needing good foster/adoptive homes but ONLY DO THIS IF YOU ARE 100% ON BOARD which is sounds like you’d be far way away from that right now). But just saying that sometimes this kind of subject hits people really hard and they can’t let go of it. I’m not sure if I even ended up being a true source of healing for my adoptive mother. I don’t think she ever fully grieved her unborn before deciding to adopt.
>I am uncomfortable talking about our past because it only cause unhappiness and jealous.
You have an unhealthy way of dealing with uncomfortable feelings. That’s not your husband’s problem.
I think you probably need to be speaking with a therapist.
I think if you aren’t at the point where you can talk about your past, you aren’t at a point where you should have gotten married. You won’t have a successful marriage if you can’t communicate effectively.