I was driving them back home after we had dinner with my GF and her father. I was playing my playlist since my GF likes it and wanted to jam. Then the song F Tha Police comes on and I quickly change it but the song starts with “Fuck the police” it’s the first line. Now I should mention that I’m a minority but I am not black but I can still relate to the song, and my GF is white.
Anyways we got into a discussion about police and he asked my thoughts on the song. I said that not all cops are racist, the song refers to the bad ones. Cops who defend racist cops are also the problem. and that it’s not a cops-killing unarmed minorities problem, it’s a cop-killing unarmed people problem, minority or not. It’s civilians against racist cops.
Then he said, Policing is not an easy job, we risk our lives every day and we have to act quickly in situations.
Then I said, sir, the song only refers to the bad cops, good cops shouldn’t be offended by it. Because you won’t always be in your uniform, people around you or even you can be victims of police brutality.
At this point, my GF told us to stop because she just wanted to listen to music and relax, so we did.
Anyways after I get home my GF calls me saying her father thinks I’m not a good fit for her and she’s saying that I should make it up to him quick, she believes in what I say but just wants me to get it done with and lie if I have to but just make it up to him somehow.
if there are any cops here or something or fathers or anyone for that matter, how can I make it up to him?
31 comments
You’re not responsible for him being mildly offended by a very mainstream – and not exactly new – song. And it’s a waste of your energy and time, trying to impress a partner’s parent who doesn’t think you’re a “good fit” is an exercise in futility. Finally, if his brain doesn’t allow for the idea that the police are a less than perfect institution, I have bad news for you and your GF: he’s one of the bad ones.
Edit: adding actual advice.
Like most cops he probably doesn’t take criticism well, and only hears three words from that entire song and never listens to the verses themselves so has no idea what the song is talking about. Him saying that they risk their lives everyday is telling in most cases that’s simply not reality. In his mind he’s a soldier and a hero because he’s a cop.
There is no making it up unless you want to act like you worship police.
You don’t owe him, or her, anything. Stand your ground. Bad cops deserve the reputation they have, just like pedofile priests. You made several valid points. Have the confidence to stand up for them my dude. You got this đź‘Ť
These comments are spot on, and he (shocker) sounds super oblivious. It sounds like you were very respectful in your exchange, and he won’t accept anyone’s input unless they have unbridled and blind support for the police. That black and white thinking isn’t something I’d want in a partner for my child, and personally, I’d be pleased that you can have a respectful debate in such an unexpected situation. If he can’t accept the fact that police brutality/misconduct is a thing, which is what led to that song, then that tells you a lot about his worldview. You can either continue dating her with the knowledge that her dad’s opinion is going to be a huge factor in her decisions, or you can cut your losses. I would just really think about what kind of guy he is all around and how involved he’s going to be in your relationship.
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Cops out here really wondering why people don’t like cops when if you say “bad cops are bad” they get defensive and go “but policing is *hard*”
Sir, you just outed yourself
Im gonna make a controversal statement here but… I dont think he’s a good cop lmao.
Tell her bluntly yet firmly that you are dating her and not her father. I dont know how long you’ve been going out for. But any relationship she has even if not with you she needs to be able to tell her dad that it’s not your job to placate him and this would set a precedent going forward that you will.
You shouldn’t need to do anything to keep the peace here. You two can agree to disagree and privately think however you two want.
Tell her this is an issue between her and her dad. He can’t and shouldn’t try to dictate who she dates or he’s going to have a bad time.
Ask her what you should be sorry for or what you have to make up for. He asked your opinion. He didn’t like your response. It’s his job to get over it. He may not like it but he doesn’t have to.
I would have just mentioned the song was released in 1988 and most likely referred to the corruption of the rampart and crash units of the LAPD. And then went into full,”Well actually….”
Your gf is an adult. Tell her to stand up for herself and your relationship instead of you kissing her fathers ass.
“Shooting unarmed people is wrong”
“But like what if you’re having a bad day”
I’d reconsider being in this relationship
You sure you wanna date her? What if you make her mad and he does shady shit
I’ve been pulled over, that song came up. The cop just laughed and said great timing
Tell him its just a song, fuck his feelings and stop being such a snowflake.
Her Dad was completely aware of how awkward that conversation would be, especially with him being a cop and you being a minority. It sounds like you have a thoughtful answer to a difficult question and he took offense to that. If he can’t handle justified criticism of the institution, not him as an individual, then that says more about him than it does about you.
Personally, I think you should respectfully stand your ground. Tell your girlfriend that you have nothing against her father, but you also believe what you said about some cops being bad. People are taught to do everything cops ask of you, but you don’t have to roll over in your personal life too.
If his go-to-excuse is that “policing is not an easy job” and doesn’t even recognize that police brutality exists, then that’s your answer. He’s a close minded individual. He’s never going to change his mind about the topic nor change his mind about you.
Time to literally dodge a bullet. Lmao. This is both hilarious and terrible.
She’s 21 and still lets daddy run her life? Pass. You don’t owe him shit. I’m a male teacher and when “don’t stand so close to me” comes on I don’t pitch a fit about how I don’t fuck my female students. I get it – some male teachers DO take advantage of female students. I support holding my profession accountable; it’s pathetic that he (and most cops) can’t.
I’d do one of two things:
1-“hey gf, I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t be apologizing or making it up to him”
2-“hey gf, I agree with your daddy, this relationship won’t work”.
Your call
If she needs her “there’s no such thing as a bad cop” daddy to approve of who she dates, the simple fact is that the relationship is already doomed.
not worth it. break up.
There’s literally like a 30 second intro on that song, so you certainly had time to change if if you were worried.
If dude wants to be worried about a song, then he can go fuck himself.
If you back down from this, that’s going to be expected of you for the rest of your relationship.
No. Absolutely not. Do not apologize. Do not “make it up to him”. Your girlfriend doesn’t respect your opinion. You lying about your beliefs make you just as bad. Just no.
I have a problem with your gf asking you to make it up to her dad when you did nothing wrong. You were thoughtful and respectful with your responses to him and he should respect that. He outed himself as a bad cop though.
Is she not an adult? I could never imagine my parents telling me they don’t like someone I’m dating and then making my partner patch things up 🤣🤣 their opinions mean nothing. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t defend me/ stand up for themselves against their parents. Those relationships rarely work in the end.
honestly bro, i would stand your moral ground. don’t jump through hoops to make it up to a man you clearly have moral disagreements with just because your girlfriend is begging you to. don’t ever throw aside your morals to please someone. stand in what you said and say “if there is an issue, then respectfully, it’s one sided.”
Former SFPD here. If he gets offended by a song, he’s a snowflake of a cop. If he took it personally he’s the problem. That song was released 34 years ago during the gang wars in LA. Policing in the US needs a serious overhaul to root out the systematic problems and ingrained biases in regards to law enforcement. I don’t know if there is a way to make it up to him. This man has probably made assumptions about you BECAUSE of your status as a minority. Just remain respectful when you interact with him (yes sir/no sir) and try to avoid politics or any conversation about police in general in the future.
Fuck the polices daughter, am I right?
Your girlfriend is clearly kissing her dad’s ass what you said wasn’t wrong there are bad and good cops out there and the LAPD is one of the worst the fact that she wants YOU to apologize and kiss her dad’s ass is very telling I would be careful if I was you
I’m not gonna tell you not to date her, but if you’re gonna date the daughter of a government thug, she better be damn worth it
I am a former cop and I say “Fuck the Police”
Bad cops are enabled by the “good cops” doing nothing. Or the good cops are intimidated and threatened until they either leave or capitulate. So, fuck the police.
If they cannot hear the truth, as that song is their version of the truth, then again, fuck them. Sounds like he is the typical cop so there is nothing you will do to change his mind or opinion of you. They are not really known for that.
My dad is a cop and he’s black. He blares that song while in his cop car. I think he’s taking it too personal and not willing to look at the other perspective bc he’s so focused on himself.
You could re-apologize in person and say you didn’t mean to minimize his job and the value of his life. Or whatever helps him feel better. But in my mind if you aren’t a shitty cop yourself, you shouldn’t be pressed.