My (29f) boyfriend (29m) recieved a message from another girl

43 comments

1. You’re insecure and should seek therapy. It’s common to get emails from dating sites you’ve never signed up to. It’s called spam for a reason. Bots send random messages on all the social platforms. Hannah probably isn’t real.

2. Seriously I thought I had deleted my eHarmony account and they emailed me after almost *two years* telling me to get back on the site. I couldn’t unsubscribe without logging in, so I just blocked their domain.

3. Honestly before I permanently deleted my Tinder profile (deleted the app though), I received emails about coming back to the app. And some people still get emails from old dating apps. Hell, I still get ads for Tinder on my gmail which is so annoying.

   And this Hannah girl could be a bot too. Maybe take a look at her profile or send a simple text back if it brings you peace of mind. She’ll probably reply with “LOOK AT SEXY HOT PICTURES ONLINE FOR FREE 🥵🌶️💦” lol.

   No but if you feel insecure bring it up with your boyfriend. However I wouldn’t be too suspicious, especially since he showed you the message. Most likely he did that cause he didn’t want you to worry if you accidentally saw it, I would have done the same.

4. You’re best having a conversation about it. He might have deleted the app but not his account which is fair enough.

   I wouldn’t automatically assume Hannah is from any dating apps, it could genuinely just be a random person? I get that every so often, literally just people messaging after having seen my profile. He might have been anxious as to your reaction to the situation when he himself wasn’t sure what was going on and tried to distract you to put your mind at ease. I couldn’t say 100% either way. Approach it gently and be understanding but you don’t necessarily have to assume the worst.

   I hope it goes OK

5. Even when you permanently delete a dating app, they still send you emails. He isn’t lying.

   The fact that he immediately showed you the message shows that it was clearly just some random person and that he also is attempting to be trustworthy to you by not hiding the message.

   You have trust issues my dude, you should work on them before they destroy your relationship.

6. My husband of 21 years gets unsolicited text messages from bots that send sexy pics from time to time. I’ve gotten totally unsolicited flirty text messages from bots. It happens, scammers are out there.

   However, if you have good reason not to trust him, due to past indiscretions, maybe you should re-think the relationship. These kinds scammy bot texts and bot emails aren’t going to stop, but if you already don’t trust him, this could start a suspicion spiral every time he gets one. I’m not sure that’s a good way to live your life.

7. Nothing you wrote shows any indication of him being unfaithful at all. As many have pointed out, trying to delete or unsubscribe an account from some websites can be pretty annoying and you can’t guarantee that you will never receive a single email from them. And the fact that *he* pointed out to you first about Hannah (who is most likely a bot as well) goes to show how willing he is to be honest with you when things like that happen. You are overthinking and probably insecure in your relationship. I advice that instead of snooping around, you should communicate with your partner properly because you going through his private stuff is a violation of his trust. If you’re incapable of trusting him at all, then maybe you need to work on yourself first before entering a relationship.

8. I think you have trust issues. I keep getting messages from random girls i never spoke to on whatsapp, i think they’re scammers

9. I have random internet bots message me on social media from profiles of pretty girls once every few months. 9.9999 times out of 10 it’s a bot and not a real person. I also still get the “we have new special rates” and “your profile has one new viewer this last week” emails from dating sites from my early 20’s, if you looked at my spam or junk folder you’d think I was rampant with 20 dating sites currently open. I’m 30 now and haven’t used those sites in over 7 years, yet my junk email is still full of their spam messages.

   Basically what I’m saying is, don’t look too deep into it. He showed you the message rather than keeping it a secreted. He also doesn’t sound like he responded which is the behavior that would have raised red flags. If he didn’t do that then his nose is clean imo.

10. It sounds like you’re insecure tbh

    There’s no real evidence to anything here. Random spammers contact me all the time.

11. Badoo emailed me for years after I got rid of it.

    Nothing you’ve said rings and alarm bells with me, but you seem to be struggling with trusting him. Has anything happened previously that has caused you to doubt him?

12. Bots are a dime a dozen on Facebook. It’s literally just fake accounts to try to get you to send them money. He told you about it right away and moved on. As for the dating site emails, I deleted all of my accounts almost a decade ago and still get emails to my spam from them.

    I think somebody else mentioned therapy for your insecurity. I think that’s a good idea.

13. Me and my boyfriend did actually receive the same message on fb that were the same female and was a bot auto replying when we said leave us alone, that had happened

14. Damn. You really don’t trust him. Everything he said sounds legit to me. Did he ever cheat on you or something?

15. My SO and I have been together almost four years. Up until a year ago he was still getting emails from Match, even though he had deleted his account before we even got together. It took him getting nasty with customer service (they kept trying to get him to come back!!) for them to finally completely remove him from their system. Outside of that, bots contact everyone all the time, especially if the account isn’t the most secure privacy-wise. Unless there are other red flags, trust your partner. He was up front with you about the message. He’s probably nervous about your reaction rather than trying to hide things.

16. The real question is how you are going to feel when you find women flirting irl?

17. I’ve been married for 5 years. Deactivated my online dating profile a month into the relationship. I *still* get emails that are like, “you liked this profile! Send a message!” or “we think you and so and so would be a great match!”.

    It’s bait to get you to go to the website.

    You seem a little paranoid. Either trust your man or if you can’t, move on. He probably *was* trying to distract you because he knew you’d start spiralling down a rabbit hole of suspicion and mistrust. Being with someone who is insecure is exhausting.

18. Snooping on your partner’s personal, private accounts without permission isn’t okay under most circumstances. You really had no business going on his email and finding those old dating site emails in the first place, and you certainly didn’t the second time. Hannah is likely a spam bot – if your boyfriend was cheating on you why in the world would he tell you that “Hannah” sent him a message? He probably told you because you’re snooping and he’s nervous about a fight. You are 29 years old. You need to seriously look your insecurities in the eye and actually do something about them instead of create problems in your relationship.

19. > The subject was like “we miss you, noone sees your profile…” so it wasn’t proof of anything

    Isn’t that pretty good proof that he isn’t using it and he told you the truth?

    Scammers reach out like that all the time.

20. I get random messages from dudes on Facebook I’ve never met and have 0 clue how they found me. Even ones who clearly aren’t bots. It happens.

    Have you considered he was nervous because he’s scared of you? You almost nuked the relationship over some generic emails from dating sites that are totally standard. He showed you this and was nervous because he’s afraid you’re going to flip out and accuse him of cheating.

    And no wonder, despite him showing you some random message from a stranger most people would just ignore or delete, you still snooped through his shit to find something incriminating.

    You need to back off and stop going through his phone and APOLOGIZE for being so insecure and making him so anxious. Then you need to seek help for your trust issues because your partner deserves better and so do you.

21. He may have deleted the app thinking that was good enough, and people may still see his profile and be able to find his socials. Deleting the app is not the same as deleting the profile but this doesn’t necessarily indicate he’s active on there.

22. Simple, look up Hannah on FB. See if her page looks legit or fake. See if she is on his friends list after he questioned you who she is. Do what women do best and become the FBI. Or just believe him it is nothing and push it to the side and enjoy your relationship. I mean for all you know she could be a crazy stalker.

23. It sounds to me like you’re looking way too far into this. My wife gets randos messaging her, I get the occasional – but by the time I get around to looking the profile has been deleted.

24. Listen, I’m an expert on your relationship and I’m here to tell you there is absolutely nothing to worry about ☺️

25. Snooping in the man’s emails? 2 years together? He talked about pizza for too long? Come on girlie, you gotta have some faith. You ever been cheated on before?

26. Snooping his email is an overstep for his privacy, unless you have an open agreement you can look at each other’s messages. It signals insecurity in the relationship.

    I would want to ask: Is there any particular reason you do not trust him?

27. I think you’re getting insecure over nothing/having trust issues rather than him doing anything. Seems like something you should try to work through for yourself and figure out how to trust this guy. Snooping on his emails because he showed you some random message he got seems like a pretty big violation with no reasonable justification.

    If i found out a guy I was dating snooped in my emails because I got spam messages, I’d probably break up with him. If you can’t get on top of this, it doesn’t bode well for your relationship or your future happiness.

28. I am telling you, as a guy that hasn’t used any dating app since like 2014, I still get unsolicited emails and such from different bots and spam. I seriously don’t think it matters if you delete your profile, are inactive for years, and have never interacted with anyone on the sites. If they have your info, then you will continue to get unsolicited emails from random bots and such. Now, that isn’t saying that your boyfriend isn’t talking to other women, or whatever. Only he knows that. And you know him better than any random stranger on Reddit. But, from the snippets you described here, it sounds like it is just a bit profile trying to separate desperate men from their money.

29. Well it’s good that he told you. My toxic side would tell you to have him message her back but my logical side would say just trust him. Have him keep the message and not delete it so you can see if she ever messages avain

30. I get Badoo dating site emails when I am NOT ON for awhile. My account is Open but I am seldom on only to maybe scan or I do get some who Visit and leave messages. You have every right to Not trust him. Once Burned…..YOU learn.

31. Scammers and bots (like sex bots) are everywhere nowadays, especially Facebook/Snapchat/instagram.

32. I haven’t used OkCupid in four years. They still send me email.

33. So a couple things that will hopefully put you at ease.

    I deleted my hinge app before my boyfriend and I even started dating, never looked at it past our second date and we’ve been together for two years. I still get emails that people are liking my profile, and emails exactly like your boyfriend got. That is definitely not proof of anything and while I can totally understand the concern, you shouldn’t be (but don’t feel bad for your feelings, they are understandable).

    With regard to the woman, while it could be something, I’d lean towards it’s nothing. I get frequent messages on Facebook from bots, strangers, etc and men have it even worse. I can’t tell you how many random accounts add my boyfriend on snap (which he doesn’t accept and shows me) that are just bots trying to scam him.

    All this to say, this isn’t proof of anything and while I get the stomach drop when a message comes in from another woman, I think you’re safe.

34. It’s been years since I’ve had a FB account, but even then I used to get unsolicited messages at odd hours on Facebook all the time from loads of sexy single women in my area that had part-time jobs as underwear models. They’d show up as being from my relatively small town. It will usually end up being from an actual account, rather than just being an ad of some kind.

    I’ve gotten them from virtually every social platform that I’ve used through the years. I was getting them here on Reddit for a while, too.

    The only time I’ve received the “we miss you” emails from dating sites were when I stopped using them for extended periods of time. When I was actively trying to use them it would be a “You have 10 matches, log in to find out who!” kinds of messages (but even then would end up actually being 0).

35. I think you should speak with a therapist about this anxiety

36. Random girls initiate & message guys “hello” about once every 25 years.

    Nowadays almost all of them are fake profiles.

    He’s probably never ever experienced this.

37. OP, you straight up suck.

    Get over yourself and maybe get some therapy. Your issues are not normal, and based on your post, your partner has done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, he seems to go above and beyond to try and prove he is trustworthy.

    And you probably make him feel like shit with how you think about him. I can only imagine how he must feel daily having to deal with your clear issues.

38. there are sophisticated scams going arround targetting people on FB, whatsapp, telegram etc apps.

    what they do is they have hacked socialites, influencers and especialy models and download their pictures then they form a narative like oh look i accidentaly messaged youand they send pics to keep you interested.

    they seem to have a picture for almost any occasion and can form many believable naratives.

    one goal in mind they wanttyou to invest in crypto. they will guide you and pressure you to create a binance account and put money in it. then they will ask you to create an account in some external website that looks very similar to an official one but has no security features and looks dodgy.

    then they will ask you to move your secure binance crypto into this new account under the primise they will grow it by 40-80% per transactions they do daily.

    these sites have no way to send the money back to yourself and they control the backend and can easily move your money to themselves.

    guys get hooked on this easier because the pics used are very preety asian models so the scammer broken english is coveredup and made believable.

    one key they seem to drop all the time when they coerce you isthe words “honey” and “dear” being overused while they coral you into making these decision.

    Indian phone scammers tend to overuse these 2 terms and can easily point towards a scam once you hear/see them bombarding you with them

    so its quite possible he was being targetted for a scam.

    maybe offer for both of you to craft messages together and message this ‘lady’ and see if its legit person or scammer. if they are scammers you will have alot of fun messing with them as they work in shifts and if you prolong their pain they often forget what the other guy talked about. i tend to use telegram as i can wipe the chat history on both parties involved so it wipes all the previous convos and the guy on the next shift cant read up and continue the scam they have to start from scratch almost.

    and worst case if she is legit woman and its getting to a point she considers it a legit potential mate then you can just say sorry i already have a partner sorry for the trouble and end the conversation.

    for me its my hobby to harass and mess about with scammers and can be quite funny the extents they go to to get you in the pipeline of their script and push for that crypto final closure.

39. I get scam emails from people claiming to be dating sites all the time.

    Also, if the subject is “we miss you”, it means his profile is not active.

    Reeeeally don’t think an instance where he showed you a random girl saying “hello” and him having what amounts to junk mail in his email is evidence of much. I think you should come clean about going through his email – that would make me extremely uncomfortable.

40. Me and my SO re meet again on a dating app and neither of us can delete our account on said dating app, like we have tried can’t doing it on our phones though the app and couldn’t find the delete account while using our laptops either so every 3-9mths ish we get random ‘someone likes you’ email messages.

    3 years plus together and we still can’t delete our accounts.

41. Break up with him, he deserves better than someone so insecure as to suspect him after he’s already been open with these communications

42. As a woman who had dating profiles TEN YEARS AGO, i still receive spam emails from them.

43. I get messages from random FB ppl all the time (bots).