Hey everyone I’m a 30m, who suffers from GAD, SAD, introverted, bad at communication/ expressing myself, why and low confidence/ low self-esteem. My issue is I cannot seem to make friends, get people to want to be close to me, or even get people to want to talk to me. I never know what to say when talking to people. I try to be funny but I never am. When I try to have intelligent conversations I always sound stupid when I try to be smart and as a result people find me annoying, corny, and stupid. I am nice person, I do nice things to people because that’s who I am, I don’t ask for anything in return, yet I do not get why nobody wants to be my friend. When I do ask questions, or show that I care people still act like they don’t care about me. People laugh at me at any given opportunity they get but would never say sorry when they though I was wrong but ended up being right. Nobody every responds to me in a group, and nobody seems interested in hanging out with me unless they want a ride to an event I’m going to or they need a favor. I feel at times people only have me in their lives to use me. I want to be better at making friends and getting people to respect me. I feel that no one respects me or wants me in their lives.
2 comments
Everything you pointed out is a direct result of how you view yourself. For example, if I were to try and talk to someone and they did not respond… who cares, I expressed myself. Good or bad feelings I have are based on how I view myself. More specifically my previous self. It sounds like you’re confusing how other people view you and how your subconscious views you. Listen man I’ve been there and the only way it gets better is if you start taking some real steps forward. Fuck, what other people think of you. Take a look in the mirror, literally. When you see yourself what do you think? My “negative” thoughts are something like “lazy, dumb, ugly, out of shape, loser…..”. But, if I do some work, read a book, fix my hair, and workout, suddenly those thoughts are gone. I am proud of the progress I just made and view myself in a more forgiving light. Happiness comes from within my brotha. Your subconscious is trying to help you it just comes off a little harsh sometimes. That is my view on it anyway. Sit down and see what its telling you.
Keep in mind you aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong if people treat you poorly. I relate to a lot of what you said, and here’s what I’ve personally found:
What was your upbringing like? You don’t have to share; just consider it for a moment. Unfortunately, when we get used to a certain standard of treatment, we tend to attract the kinds of people who will keep treating us that way. If someone insults you and you don’t address it or discourage it in your response, you’ve now let that person know that that’s acceptable behavior. And the people who enjoy insulting others will flock to you.
Next, your problem may be related to charisma. You say you have a hard time making people laugh and you don’t get treated with respect. Making others laugh is a question of social experience, so if you lack that, don’t be surprised if people don’t think you’re funny. A big part of humor is reading the room and intuitively knowing what will land.
Another big part of charisma is personal maintenance. Are you taking care of your appearance? Are you making sure you smell nice? Taking care of your skin? Keeping your hair clean and well kept? Many people will think it’s okay to look down on you if you clearly don’t put much effort into how you look.
Lastly, it’s important to pay attention to how receptive someone is to you, and act accordingly. This is really difficult, but also really crucial. Do not invest your time and effort into someone who hasn’t even expressed personal interest in who you are. If someone is rude to you, don’t necessarily be rude back, but be brief. If someone is friendly and kind to you, be a bit more open with them and consider giving them a chance into your circle. And people who ask you personal questions aren’t usually interested in you as a person either; they may just be messy gossips who like using other people’s business as conversation pieces. Plus, if you open up to others too quickly, you’ll probably come off as desperate, and that will push the right people away.
Don’t sell yourself short just because things haven’t worked out yet. Even no one is drawn to you now, just continue to invest in yourself. You can always improve, and as long as you commit to improving, you’re miles ahead of most other people. And please don’t let loneliness trick you into thinking something’s wrong with you. You’re just as valuable as everyone else, and what makes you different will set you apart and make you special to more people than you can count.
I hope this helped in some way.
Edit: Typos man.
E2A: Meant to mention the bit about coming of as desperate.