Me and my GF have been having problems recently, we’re about to celebrate our 4th year together by the end of November and due to that, it reminded her of her previous relationship 5-6 years ago. When she was with her ex, she was very unhappy for the majority of their 3rd year together, they were a distant relationship but he came to visit at least twice right before the relationship ended and both times were very traumatic to her. They broke up right before their 4th year together. Currently, we’re about to be 4 years together and she’s afraid of the same situation happening again, we got into an argument recently about time spent together and how I felt somewhat lonely for a little, I wanted to talk about it but it made her feel like she’s reliving the past again. It almost led to a break up but we talked and she admitted that because of the timing of me talking about myself, it reminded her about her ex. Her ex did some very messed up things and was very manipulative.
About a week later she still feels heavily off and scared, I understand why but not much is being done. The best solution we thought of was spending a lot less time together before the anniversary. We’ve been living together for the past year and this is the first time I’ve seen her like this. It feels like I can’t be myself nor be near her since it causes negative thoughts to pop up and remind her of the ex. It’s unfortunate and I feel like I am the cause of it for just being here for this long. I’m worried she’ll be scared until the anniversary and there isn’t much I can do about it. Should I just leave her alone? I feel like me just being here make her feel in danger. Any I can do?
TL;DR, my girlfriend has been feeling uneasy due to trauma before an anniversary with her ex, now feels the same way with our upcoming anniversary.
1 comment
Short of convincing her to talk to a therapist about it, no, I don’t think there is anything you can do, since none of this is about you. It’s about her unhealed issues from the past with someone else.