I’ve been dating my now boyfriend for about half a year but we were friends for about a year before then. When we started dating he did all of the usual stuff, buying me flowers, taking me on dates, being super sweet, etc. As our relationship progressed, things became more emotional and he began to talk to me about things like my well being, mental health, and just truly care about all of my anxieties and worries as a person. I’ve never had someone care for me as much as he does. He makes sure I’m never sad and watches my every move to know that I’m happy. I’m not depressed or anything but I have a lot of anxiety that he also shares so we understand a lot of each others struggles.
Now onto the issue at hand, I live with four other girls that I’ve considered my best friends for the past two years. We’ve had our share of arguments but nothing friendship ending. Recently, I’ve noticed the way they treat me is kind of hurtful. We went on a trip together during our university’s break and they ignored when I was anxious and didn’t care about my feelings at all (I wasn’t looking for the trip to revolve around me, just asking for a few accommodations like someone to walk me back to the hotel at 2am). I ended up staying in one of the nights because I knew they were prioritizing their fun over my fears and anxieties. They ignore me at home, don’t listen to my suggestions on house decisions, and overall I’ve just noticed how shitty it is to live with them.
Is this because I have a boyfriend now? I didn’t think they would change their actions around me because of him. Or do you think this is something I’m just now noticing because I have someone that actually loves me?
TL;DR My boyfriend is amazing to me and I think it’s making me realize no one else in my life actually loves me.
4 comments
Friends, especially in a group, are not going to treat you the same way a boyfriend should. It’s a different dynamic.
>like someone to walk me back to the hotel at 2am
Would that person then need to either stay with you or walk back alone?
What are you doing to manage your anxiety?
If your friends ignore you and your don’t enjoy living with them, then it sounds like it’s time to move on. As others have pointed out, your friends are not obligated to arrange their lives around your fears (and neither is your boyfriend, actually), so if what you want from them is to be at the center of their social world, that’s not reasonable. But if they truly don’t listen to you or treat you as a fully-fledged member of the household, then that’s different — then you need new friends/housemates.
It sounds like you want people to prioritise your needs over theirs, you are responsible for sorting out your anxiety and its co dependency to expect anyone to be responsible for helping you manage it including your boyfriend. Its good and normal to care for friends but not to the extent when anyone persons needs are seen to dominate, you should have a pla for your anxiety whether that be taking a cab home but not manipulate the situation by relying on someone else to do something just to make you feel better at the expense of their own needs. Thats unfair