I’m technically a virgin and essentially since a few weeks ago I started bringing home random guys because I was over feeling like I had to keep waiting for a relationship that I’ve never seemed to be able to achieve. But basically, I don’t go all of the way ever because I feel this guilt about it, like I should save that for someone special rather than someone I met that night. And I never know how to explain this to people. Like hey “I’ll give you a blowjob but I’m not gonna have sexual intercourse with you.” It just makes me feel like the other person is thinking “why won’t she have sex with me?” The whole time. How would one go at approaching this?
18 comments
Nothing to feel guilty about, you don’t owe anyone anything! Just make sure you set the boundary early on. If they are receptive of it then great! If they are weird about it, that’s probably not someone who you’d want to be getting intimate with anyways.
My ex-gf was a virgin when we started dating and she simply told me she was and that she didn’t want to do it until she was comfortable. We waited about six months or so before it was the right time for her.
As with all else in relationships, communication is key. There’s no shame in it. Essentially you’re asking how a guy would feel about being asked to receive a blowjob. He’ll be fine with it. Haha.
Just come out and say it openly, once you’ve reached the point where YOU’ve decided that you’ll be having sexual activities (BJs or whatever).
You’re perfectly within your rights to lay down your boundaries. It will make things so much simpler if you just say things plainly, rather than leaving the guys wondering if they did something wrong, if it’s something to hope for later on, etc. Just communicate, and life becomes sooo much easier !!
Do you like anal
as others have already told you… be open about it, talk to them that you’re simply not ready yet for anything more, but when they want, you can give them a BJ (as you yourself suggested)
Being open and communicative wth potential partners is a fundamental thing to build a possible future relationship
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and just to add a bit extra, you didn’t have to do anything you don’t want to do… you let a boy in your private room… something that is for a lot of younger (or older) women already intimate, since they see you how you life and who you are – simply take your time
also, just a side note, you didn’t have to swallow just because he told you so
Be upfront with what you want and need. If they whine about it, that’s a crystal clear sign that they’re not going to be a sensitive partner
> I started bringing home random guys
Just tell him before you bring him home what your limits are. If I was one of those random dudes I would reasonably expect that we were going to have PIV unless I was told otherwise. In my case I would politely decline the invitation. Avoid surprises.
I would just communicate it well to begin with. Oral is still a great night for a lot of people.
This is your personal choice..no one can force you for anything..no need to feel guilty about it..but also be prepared if its a dealbreaker for some guys.
I just want to make sure you are aware that unless you are using a dental dam or condom, you can get an STD in your mouth. Looking at a penis doesn’t tell you if it is “okay”. Please be safe.
Look him straight in the eye and say ” “I’ll give you a blowjob but I’m not gonna have sexual intercourse with you.”
Thats all you need to do.Most guys will respect that. Good ones anyway.
If he asks why just tell him you are saving it.
Nothing to feel bad about. Just explain it to them the same way you did here. There are a lot of things that two people can do together sexually without actual intercourse. Above all just stay true to yourself.
Say it before anything remotely sexual happens, even before kissing. Otherwise its kind of rude.
What does “technically a virgin” mean
Let people know before hand. Most guys would happily take a blow job, but would be upset if they got to your house expecting more and were suddenly told it wasn’t happening. If you let them know upfront, before leaving together, that that is all that is going to happen, it will drastically improve the responses.
2 things.
1. You don’t wait for relationships you build them
2. Sex is special because you share it with someone you’re genuinely attracted to. It’s not special because you only have it with someone in particular. Of course never have sex with someone you don’t want to, but don’t think you have to save it for anything in particular. If you want it go for it.
I was 25 when I lost my virginity. Was raised religious and took it upon myself to abstain until marriage when I was in highschool. But as the time went on I just wanted to know I was loved and cared for before having sex. I was the same way. I’d make out get hot and heavy and give handjobs because I was SA the first time I did a BJ I was super avoidant of those too. Felt like men didn’t want me because of the lack of going all the way. I don’t regret waiting. Gave me plenty of time to be comfortable with myself. Just be open and communicate and if they have a problem with it, it’s their loss
The father in me (I have a daughter your age) is making me cringe when you say you are bringing home several random guys in the span of a couple weeks and want to stay safe. Be careful.