I (22F) was naturally an extroverted child, but developed pretty bad social anxiety after I started getting bullied in school, which was about 12 years ago. One of the symptoms of my anxiety is that it’s very difficult for me to show up to a social situation without having a “crutch”- a person or group of people who I already know and can hang with. It’s anxiety-inducing to do even simple social things by myself (like go to the mall), let alone show up to a party by myself- I remember that I tried going to a dorm party on my own about 4 years ago and I lasted about 15 minutes before deciding that it wasn’t working and leaving. (Tbf, I did show up to other social events without a “crutch” because my main group of friends sucked and sometimes it turned out okay and I even made friends that way, but I always associated doing so with crippling anxiety).
I joined a social anxiety Meetup group last year and have been to two of their in-person events- a bar hangout on Halloweekend last year and going to see the fireworks on the 4th of July. About 3 weeks ago one of the members of the group texted the group chat that he was having a Halloween party. I bought an entire costume (which has probably run me a bit over $50 including shipping, accessories, and makeup) and eagerly looked forward to this, but then it got canceled a few days before it was supposed to happen. I’m part of a few larger social Meetups that I’ve never actually been to, and these groups are having a ton of events on Halloweekend. The social anxiety group chat was keeping a document of these events and trying to figure out what we were gonna go to, but it doesn’t look like anyone actually wants to go to any of these parties (which, it’s a social anxiety group, I get why… but come on y’all).
The thing is that I’ve already bought my costume (a grown-up version of a costume I wanted but never got to wear as a kid so there’s this entire symbolism attached to it), and I’m just so restless now that if I end up *not* doing anything after expecting to do something (and not having gone out for Halloween since 2018) I might actually go insane. Not to mention that there’s this entire symbolism attached to Halloweekend itself, since it’s the 10th anniversary of a traumatizing event and I’ve imagined myself grown up and “over it” going out partying that day ever since the event happened. But on the other hand, I’m terrified to just show up to a party full of people I don’t know for obvious reasons. The events pages for these parties say that 70-80% of people usually show up on their own, but I obviously have no idea how accurate that figure is. I’m worried that it’s going to end up like the dorm party where I get overwhelmed and have to leave after 15 minutes, and if this happens at this party after I’ve paid for a ticket and a costume (AND with all the symbolism attached to it) I’m going to be devastated. I know that my anxiety has improved a lot over the past 4 years (I knew almost no one at the 4th of July event and yet was mostly fine), but I don’t want to assume I’m “cured” and try to do shit *way* outside of my comfort zone only to get brutally slapped down back to reality. What should I do?
1 comment
You might feel disappointed as you already have the costume etc but unfortunately that is life and is something you need to accept and shouldn’t feel bad as the party getting cancelled is completely out of your control. If you still want to use the costume you should find another party to go to from your other social groups and if not, you shouldn’t worry about ~60 dollars costume as you should value yourself more than that! It’s only money at the end of the day.