I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years and things have been amazing. Can’t complain about the communication, care, trust or sex. We’re both currently at an internship abroad where we work and live for two months. We’re a month in and something that has been bugging me more and more tho is that he sometimes has bursts of childishness that just makes me want to distance myself from him.
For example for like a week he would buy alot of cola. Everyday he would drink a bottle or two and just burp really loudly every ten minutes or so. At some point I asked him to stop and he would first shrug it off. After telling him multiple times he finally buys less cola and tries not to burp too loud.
Another thing I noticed he started doing is every single time he drinks he says ‘aahh’ afterwards. I asked him to quit doing that as well then he tried explaining to me that just telling him to stop doing certain things doesn’t really work, cause it’s a habit and he needs a lot of will power to stop doing things like these by me telling him to stop and that I need to make it more fun. Like for the burping I should (playfully) hit him and for the aahh’s I should mockingly make the sound after he does it. I got quite upset because I don’t want to make a game out of every annoying thing a grown adult does in order for him to stop, ya know? Especially unnecessary stuff like these.
When we sat next to eachother in the workspace and I was doing my daily application for dorm rooms, since it’s super hard to get one and I want to up my chances. One of the sites I used was a type of craigslist in my country. He saw that, logged in to his account on his laptop and sent the message ‘poopybutt butt poop poop butt’ (literally translated) to me. I was just really annoyed because I’ve been looking for a dorm room for almost a year and get more and more frustrated by the housing situation. While I’m distressed here he comes with his obsession with the word ‘poop’ and ‘butt'(some type of inside joke with his younger sister and him, but I’ve told him multiple times that those words out of context just aren’t funny to me)
Something else that bugs me is that often when there’s a nice opportunity for us to have sex he doesn’t really initiate it. We’re staying in seperate, gendered rooms, four people in total per room. Basically to have sex we have to do it anywhere besides on a bed. We’ve had some amazing experiences, but most of those are because I initiate the sex. For example bringing blankets and pillows to the beach when we wanted to watch Netflix there late at night, freshening up and wearing cute underwear before we go on a survey together, making sure I have ‘easy’ clothes on when we rent a car, then when the time is right make a move. Often when the moment is right he just puts me out of my mood by like playing with my lips for them to make a funny noice, poking my face, saying something with a weird accent, gets up to hunt a mosquito and stuff. I guess I can join his little game and try to lead it to sex but I don’t want to do that almost every time.
It would be nice if he would just be charming and stroke my arm and take more initiative. What do I do? I don’t have the right words to explain every single thing and joining him with his quirks doesn’t seem to be doing anything. Are these irritations valid or will it pass after we don’t spend almost the whole day every single day together? I really don’t want to lose interest in him cause I really do love him. He’s a good friend and an even better boyfriend.
Tl;Dr boyfriend recently does little dumb shit often that just aren’t charming and turns me off. I don’t know how to tell him this without having him brushing it aside
7 comments
You wrote a thousand words on reddit about your boyfriend saying “ahhh” after he takes a drink???
He sounds annoying as fuck.
Hes 22, hes suppose to still be childish. I am 40 years old and still blame the dog for my farts when my wife clearly knows its me.
If his personality is fundamentally unattractive you’re just going to feel the ick more and more.
The real fun will start when he’s had enough, snaps and finally starts telling you some home truths about your annoying habits
We all have them. Get over yourself
He’s not mature. You shouldn’t have to teach your partner how to behave appropriately. His suggestions for how to”help” him are ridiculous. He seems to be trying to establish your relationship as the casual sort of friendship he shares with his childhood friends and his sister. It’s ok for him to desire such a relationship, but it makes the two of you incompatible.
I know people who enjoy toilet humor in their 20s/30s. I know people in the same age range who belch or fart and then draw attention to it or laugh about it. I had one friend who used to send everyone snaps of his dump each morning (I removed him from snap because that’s disgusting). I know couples who do jokey kisses and I experienced my ex making weird “funny” faces while making out or having sex, which (for me) was an instant mood killer.
I’m generally on board with each partner improving themselves for the other, but with the number of people I know who exhibit the same behaviors as your boyfriend, I’d say this is more a case of incompatibility. I never found toilet humor funny even as a kid, I always considered public belching to be distasteful (possibly a result of not having a belch reflex myself? s/o to r/noburp) and I like to feel desired and experience intimacy without making a joke of it. Have I found humor and laughed to the point of having to stop sex or making out? Absolutely! That’s honestly so much fun! These instances, however, were not manufactured, but rather a natural progression in a comfortable, close dynamic.
You can feel annoyed, he can choose to change or to stay the same, but I think it’s important that you recognize that this is who he is. He’s lighthearted, has an immature sense of humor and seems rather innocent. You can not tell him what to do, you can choose only how to react.
This is gonna sound gross but it sounds like you’re dating a child. Huge ick factor imo.