Hi!
I’m here looking for any tips and resources regarding my parents’ marriage which has lost its intimacy due to my dad’s (61m) prostate cancer. I know it must seem weird that I am asking this for my parents but my mum doesn’t understand the internet and my dad is too proud to do any kind of research, and I really want to help them out by passing some info to my mum.
My parents have been married for almost 30 years, and I always remember them coming across as lovey dovey and cuddly when I was young. However, my dad got sick almost 10 years ago, and has had multiple treatments ever since. The result is that his penis can no longer be erect and they can no longer be sexually intimate. Over the years, I have heard some complaints here and there, and I felt very bad for them but always hoped they would find a way to work it out. Unfortunately, I have seen my parents grow apart in many ways, even though they are very committed and would never leave each other.
My mum (65f) is putting less effort into her appearance, and I think is ignoring her own sexuality because she wants to stay faithful to him. She doesn’t go out much and is always watching Netflix.
My dad focuses on other things in life that give him satisfaction, is always out with friends, working, traveling, and living the jet-set life..
Just a few days ago my dad said he was unhappy, mainly because of his sexual frustrations, and also doesn’t really know how to imagine a future with my mum as she seems to be so.. “unbothered” or “zombielike” or “not taking care of herself” (my words not his). But at the same time, my mum said that he also doesn’t make any time to talk to her or have a conversation.
So aside from the more typical marriage problems, it seems even harder to (re)connect as they lack the opportunity to become intimate. I asked my mum if she explored intimacy with him in other ways because I think you can be intimate without having sex too. She said my dad only understands intimacy through sex (he is kind of a traditionally masculine man if you know what I mean), even though they do cuddle here and there. This kinda blew my mind! There must be something left to explore for them and ways to rekindle the romance and intimacy, right?
Does anyone have any tips? What to look into? Maybe some authors that are specialized in this kind of topic?
Thanks in advance!