When I apologise, I really want the other person to know I’m sorry and i do everything in my power to make stuff up to them. and make sure I don’t make the same mistake again.
when my “friend” 22M apologised for the hundredth time (6 times over 6 weeks) for being dismissive and disrespectful of my (24F) opposing opinions (getting worse every time) even laughing at me when i said he’s treating me like an idiot, all he could say is “i haven’t been great to you recently, I can’t undo it, I’m sorry” then moving on like it never happened.
I feel like taking responsibility for your wrong doing is the minimum. but after having the same apology week after week and no caution or preventative measures are attempted no “it won’t happen again” especially after it does happen again. I wonder if he is even a good person or if this is just leading into a future of way worse and concerning forms of disrespect
If I was in his shoes, I would be on my toes until the relationship isn’t in that awkward post argument phase. asking questions about what i could have done better, speaking more gently and being more open-minded/considerate of other perspectives. recognising that when someone says something i think is wrong, stating my opinion kindly, without bringing them down or painting them to be an idiot.
I’m just confused since i used to be so convinced this person was very kind, and my view of them has been in shambles since this started.
TL; DR If someone keeps making the same mistakes do they have to be more sorry/put more effort in to fix things? and if they don’t, what does this say about them??
4 comments
Sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. Without examples not sure how you expect anyone to comment otherwise.
Absolutely. I am a big proponent of just because you don’t think something is a big deal doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t either, and if they do you shouldn’t want to do said thing and make them upset if you care about them, especially if you’ve been called out on it multiple times already. No one’s perfect and people do forget and I do also believe in grace to an extent, but it’s one of those things where if he’s apologizing over and over for the same thing in a short span of time he doesn’t care about you or your feelings enough to remember the things that hurt you.
How sure are you that he is a good friend ?
People can apologize but ultimately its words.
Real way to show you are sorry is by actions. Repeated, consistent, action.