I know I am only young and we haven’t been together very long but please still consider what I have to say.
We have been friends for 3 years and recently started a relationship that is long distance (3 hours). The distance is hard but we see each other about every 2 weeks – we communicate when one of us is anxious and FaceTime every other day. Although soon, we have told each other we love each other. It just felt right. I look forward to seeing him and vice versa. I do have a disorganised attachment style, which has mainly been quite anxious at the moment because of the distance. I have communicated my insecurities with him and have been given reassurance. However the other night I had a dream, where I had gone to visit him and he he just didn’t really bother I was there – there wasn’t the same feeling from him to me – he was having fun at uni and I was just almost in the way. I told him about my dream.
Furthermore this weekend we are meant to be meeting in a place half way in order to see each other. I am trying to finish my work in time so I can travel. I am very worried I won’t get it done in time and have told him this. When I was talking to him about my dream and about how much I wanted to get my work done he said this: I know its not nice to say but you getting your work done is for life and I may not be in your life forever. I don’t want you to do bad in your work feeling like you need to come down to keep it going.
I know this is fair given its only been a few months and we are eachothers first serious relationships but it made me feel really shit. He has talked in the past about his fantasies about being with more than one person – something we both said we wouldn’t want to do while we are together.
Are we just delaying the inevitable by being together as we haven’t done our “exploring” and your first relationship doesn’t always last. Im not saying I imagine us together forever but I don’t think it will never happen.
When we were first deciding whether we should really give it a try – long distance – he talked about waiting until we lived in the same place again and we were old and could give it a proper shot. He was worried about hurting me. When I told him ok but that would mean no contact for me right now he said he couldn’t do that and therefore wanted to proceed with a relationship. I am unsure as to whether this is irrelevant given we are now in the relationship but just added for further context.
I feel like I am just closer to him when it is going to end – Where should I proceed from here?
TLDR: First relationship is long distance – doubts about future what is the point in continuing if uncertain about future? All LDRs seem to have end goal, mine doesn’t.
1 comment
For what’s it’s worth I’ve never once seen a successful LDR between people your age; local relationships are difficult enough and LDR are on a completely different level.
You need to have a solid timeline and the means to execute that timeline. This is where the majority fail, they kick the can down the road pushing things back over and over and the relationship eventually fizzles.
* One of you will needs to accept the fact they will leave all their friends and family behind
* One of you will need significant savings to move and have a safer net
* Both of you need to be done school
* Both of you need to check the job market and see if your field is even viable where you live
* Deadlines must be adhered to otherwise you’re just wasting each other’s time.
Basically…for a good shot at an LDR to work you need two mature, established, and independent adults who have had years to gain life experience and are financially secure.