I (22F) have been friends with this guy “R” (22M) for several years. We became closer after the other two members in our old friend group 1) got sick and died, 2)got wrapped up in drugs. R has had a girlfriend for two years, and he had never made a move on me before then.
However, in the last couple years, R will roast any guy I like/am seeing. I never hang out with R alone, only in a group setting. Usually R will blast the guy to others in front of me, not often will he directly express his disapproval to me. If R is friends with him, R will still talk about him like he hates him/is toxic. He does this in the presence of his girlfriend.
One time this summer, he got more hammered than I had ever seen him before at a party. He said “don’t go home with any of these guys, you’re too good for them. You’re better than anyone else here” (not that I planned to go home with anyone). I didn’t say anything back, I just laughed.
His girlfriend always seems completely indifferent. Sometimes it feels flirty, but I’m not trying to be “the other woman”. I don’t see him doing this to any other girls either. How can I tell if this is brotherly or flirty? Clues? Tips? I don’t want to be confrontational, I’d hate to say something if it’s just in my head, ya know
3 comments
He likes you
So far with what you’ve mentioned it seems brotherly. Like he cares about you because you have bonded over mutual loss and he doesn’t want to see you get hurt.
I don’t think it’s flirty so far but if you feel like it becomes so then you should distance yourself.
Because it’s not right to buy into that sort of thing and you should focus on yourself more.
Personally I totally disagree with the above two comments in reply and I don’t think that it’s brotherly at all in the slightest. Putting other guys down or roasting them who you are seeing and him doing this in front of you BUT also doing it publicly in front of others at the same time is good cover for him if done right so others think that he is doing it in a brotherly way and they don’t think that he has a thing for you, but the killer here that gives him total cover and makes everyone around you think that he is doing it in a brotherly way and not because he fancies you is because he has a girlfriend like you said that he does so if anyone thought “hey he is always roasting the OPs new fellas, feels like he fancies her? …Actually he has a girlfriend and says this stuff right in front of his girlfriend so he can’t have a thing for her so it must be a brotherly thing that he says this stuff”
The definite clincher for me is when he got proper pissed drunk and said to you at that party “not to go home with any of them because you are too good for them” that was clearly because he couldn’t bare the thought of you going with any of them in his own mind, yes if you did he would have had to of dealt with it but he was pushing it so he didn’t have to hence the you are too good for them comment which would make you think twice also
I have no doubt at all that he is into you