I’m21F and he’s 22M. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We met on tinder. Last year I lived in a college apartment and he pretty much lived in my room the whole year. I finally told my parents about him after a year of us dating. And over the summer we traveled to New Mexico (from Pennsylvania). And we spend a lot of time together. He is super sweet, so loving and kind. He respects me and takes care of me. But…he recently lost his online job. And he’s been living at my apartment in my bedroom since august. When I ask him to go home he gets VERY upset and thinks I’m dumping him. And he insists on staying here 24/7. When I accuse him of using me for a place to stay he gets mad and says no he’s not. (He also has a bad relationship with his dad so he stays at his grandparents when he can’t stay here like over holidays). My parents like him but he’s painfully shy and refuses to speak to them because of his shyness. He also says he’s applying to jobs but he refuses to work fast food or retail ( he didn’t go to college) he doesn’t pay for groceries or rent obviously. And I told him to help me pay for groceries but he just says “well I lost my job so I can’t”. I feel like he’s using me to live here… even tho he’s so affectionate and stuff. Overall I’mhappy with him most of the time but idk I feel like he’s just with me to bum off of me. I also cook for him and clean for him and do his laundry. I feel like I’m the asshole because he says he loves me so much and he lost his job and I feel like a bitch for assuming this ? I asked him about this and he said he’s not living off of me or using me.
Also: I live in a college apartment with 2 other girls , and he said he doesn’t help much with cooking or cleaning because he doesn’t want my roommates to get upset that he’s here a lot. Also he refuses to take care of him self like brush his teeth wash his hands and shower. I have to force him , literally force him to do these things. But he is very gentle and kind to me and is super affectionate, which could be manipulative. And we rarely have sex bc he never initiates it.
3 comments
no one is more romantic than a dude who needs housing lmfao we call them ‘hobosexuals’
You’re his mother. If I were your roommates, I’d be PISSED he was there so much, especially because he contributes nothing. The fact they’ve tolerated him up to this point makes me think they have the patience of a saint.
He says he’s not using you, but the fact is, he *is* using you. Intentionally or not, he pays nothing, cleans nothing, eats freely, and doesn’t even bother maintaining basic personal hygiene? He sounds gross. Nice people can be gross. Kind and affectionate people can be gross. Doesn’t give them a pass for being a smelly mooch.
> he said he doesn’t help much with cooking or cleaning because he doesn’t want my roommates to get upset that he’s here a lot.
They’re probably already very upset. There’s a strange man that smells like ass hiding around in their home for months that they never wanted in their place doing God knows what; That’s a huge safety concern for your roommates.
Not to mention him being there may violate your leasing agreement. If management finds out you could all find yourselves homeless and scrambling for a space.
You’ve mentioned how you value how affectionate and kind he is but that’s not a special unique quality. There is no shortage of great guys who are loving and kind AND know how to adult and pay bills and can take you out on their dime at least 50% of the time.
His employment status, his mental health issues, his family relationships, his total lack of initiative or shame are none of your problems. He needs to learn how to adult and it’s not your job, or in your pay grade to teach him that. He’s absolutely using you and it doesn’t seem like he’s all that attracted to you either, so the term hobosexual is pretty fitting here.